We sang this song in church yesterday, and every time we do, I'm struck with emotion. It's one of those songs that just really gets into my soul. All the songs we sing in our church are meaningful and important, but there are some that for whatever reason just really "click."
Just as I am, without one plea,
but that Thy blood was shed for me,
and that Thou bidst me come to Thee:
O Lamb of God, I come. I come.
Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot.
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come. I come.
I come broken to be mended;
I come wounded to be healed.
I come desperate to be rescued;
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb.
And I'm welcomed, with open arms,
praise God, just as I am.
Just as I am, I would be lost,
but mercy and grace my freedom bought.
And now to glory in Your cross,
O Lamb of God, I come. I come.
I come broken to be mended;
I come wounded to be healed.
I come desperate to be rescued;
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb.
And I'm welcomed, with open arms,
praise God, just as I am.
I come to God with nothing positive to offer. "Just as I am" is broken and wounded and empty and guilty and desperate. I am need of mending, healing, rescuing, pardoned. I need to be filled by the Holy Spirit in order to be worth anything. I am nothing worthy. I have no redeeming qualities of my own; in fact, my qualities all reflect my need for deep, extensive repair. That is what I am. And when I come to Him with all of these immense needs, God not only has His arms open wide, but He welcomes me into Him. Just as I am.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Adoption!!!
I know, I know; I've owed you all a post for over a week now. The truth is, this week was a come-down-from-the-stress-of-the-previous-two-weeks week, for lack of a better description.
I got so keyed up doing paperwork, cleaning the house, making plans, shopping for party things and gifts, and cleaning the house some more, that I needed more of a relaxation period than I expected. And then those last couple of days before (and the morning of) the adoption, there is that, "Oh my gosh, something is going to happen to get in the way of this!" feeling. It's probably stronger when you've been through enough ridiculous situations that you know from experience that IT IS NOT FINAL UNTIL THE JUDGE SIGNS THE PAPER. That feeling on top of the other stress results in very little sleep at a time when it is needed more than any ordinary week. BUT, I am convinced that college was prep for parenthood. I got through it, and with the help of my wonderful husband and kids, the house was nearly spotless for the party on Saturday.
The adoption was bright and early Friday morning. We were so blessed to have a very nice group of family and close friends present for the adoption. It was really cool to have some of the people who have been close to us throughout our entire "Liam journey" with us while he became a legal permanent member of our family. Among them were my mom and brother; my cousin, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, and my two little "nieces;" one of my very best friends, who has been beside us on this journey since holding teensy Liam on his first Sunday at church; and Liam's awesome caseworker (who, yes, was required to be there, but who I would have asked to be there anyway - without her, this would not have happened so quickly or so smoothly). Our children were, of course, there; and Randy's older daughter was even able to be there, though she lives out of state.
I'm so so so thankful that God has led us to adoption, and brought our sweet, beautiful, wonderful children into our lives. No, parenting them is not always easy; often it is more difficult than parenting bio children, because of all the "extras" they bring with them. But I could not love them more if they had been born to me, I truly know that. Adopting is such a wonderful, awesome thing that you can't even imagine unless you experience it - and it is such a great reminder every day of how God has adopted us and made us His children.
Thank you to all who have followed us through Liam's foster journey, and for all of your support and kind words. The journey has not ended; it has only changed in definition and destination, for which we are eternally grateful, and which responsibility we will strive to uphold and live up to, and which privilege we will strive to be worthy of, to the best of our human ability.
I got so keyed up doing paperwork, cleaning the house, making plans, shopping for party things and gifts, and cleaning the house some more, that I needed more of a relaxation period than I expected. And then those last couple of days before (and the morning of) the adoption, there is that, "Oh my gosh, something is going to happen to get in the way of this!" feeling. It's probably stronger when you've been through enough ridiculous situations that you know from experience that IT IS NOT FINAL UNTIL THE JUDGE SIGNS THE PAPER. That feeling on top of the other stress results in very little sleep at a time when it is needed more than any ordinary week. BUT, I am convinced that college was prep for parenthood. I got through it, and with the help of my wonderful husband and kids, the house was nearly spotless for the party on Saturday.
The adoption was bright and early Friday morning. We were so blessed to have a very nice group of family and close friends present for the adoption. It was really cool to have some of the people who have been close to us throughout our entire "Liam journey" with us while he became a legal permanent member of our family. Among them were my mom and brother; my cousin, who also happens to be one of my closest friends, and my two little "nieces;" one of my very best friends, who has been beside us on this journey since holding teensy Liam on his first Sunday at church; and Liam's awesome caseworker (who, yes, was required to be there, but who I would have asked to be there anyway - without her, this would not have happened so quickly or so smoothly). Our children were, of course, there; and Randy's older daughter was even able to be there, though she lives out of state.
I'm so so so thankful that God has led us to adoption, and brought our sweet, beautiful, wonderful children into our lives. No, parenting them is not always easy; often it is more difficult than parenting bio children, because of all the "extras" they bring with them. But I could not love them more if they had been born to me, I truly know that. Adopting is such a wonderful, awesome thing that you can't even imagine unless you experience it - and it is such a great reminder every day of how God has adopted us and made us His children.
Thank you to all who have followed us through Liam's foster journey, and for all of your support and kind words. The journey has not ended; it has only changed in definition and destination, for which we are eternally grateful, and which responsibility we will strive to uphold and live up to, and which privilege we will strive to be worthy of, to the best of our human ability.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Three Years
Three years ago today, we finalized Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption. They had been with us nearly a year, and when they came to us, their case was supposed to be finished quickly. They were nearly through the TPR (Termination of Parental Rights), and just needed an adoptive placement before the judge would complete the final step.
It turned out to be more complicated than that, and more than once we contemplated throwing in the towel; but God had other plans. He kept tugging our hearts toward fighting for them, and He was faithful to see us through those difficult times.
It's hard to believe it's been a whole three years - and it's hard to believe it's been only three years. They both continue to thrive, learn, and grow as little people. I am very proud of the way they have handled all the changes that have come into our family the past three years.
And most of all, I am blessed that they call me "Mom."
It turned out to be more complicated than that, and more than once we contemplated throwing in the towel; but God had other plans. He kept tugging our hearts toward fighting for them, and He was faithful to see us through those difficult times.
It's hard to believe it's been a whole three years - and it's hard to believe it's been only three years. They both continue to thrive, learn, and grow as little people. I am very proud of the way they have handled all the changes that have come into our family the past three years.
And most of all, I am blessed that they call me "Mom."
Friday, February 8, 2013
One Week!!
There is much cleaning to commence, a bathroom to paint, a scrapbook to complete, and a blanket to sew, before the big day!
So I will leave you simply with this:
"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:27-28
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So I will leave you simply with this:
"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:27-28
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Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Upcoming
In just 10 short days, Liam will legally be Liam! And he will be a legal Shanahan! It's so weird to look at him and think his old name - it never did fit him. He has always been a Liam! In fact, his paternal grandma, who we keep in touch with, told me that BD wanted to name him Liam before he was born! I guess he really has always been a Liam :-).
Things are a tad crazy around here, what with planning for an open house (if you've been to my house you know that it definitely always looks... lived in!) and getting paperwork done for the adoption. I'm a little anxious about the open house, since we've never had a get together bigger than just family before; it would be easier if the weather was nice so that we could expand to the patio and deck, but I am very thankful we have all the space we have this time around!
If you are coming, we look forward to seeing you!
I'll be posting all about the adoption in about a week and a half :-). I can't wait to be able to post pics of him and show him off to the rest of my world :-).
Things are a tad crazy around here, what with planning for an open house (if you've been to my house you know that it definitely always looks... lived in!) and getting paperwork done for the adoption. I'm a little anxious about the open house, since we've never had a get together bigger than just family before; it would be easier if the weather was nice so that we could expand to the patio and deck, but I am very thankful we have all the space we have this time around!
If you are coming, we look forward to seeing you!
I'll be posting all about the adoption in about a week and a half :-). I can't wait to be able to post pics of him and show him off to the rest of my world :-).
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Christmas & New Year
Every year I spend about two weeks before Christmas ready to pull my hair out. I spend the week before Christmas a jittery, irritable, ready-to-snap shell of my real self. I spend the last two days before Christmas in full-on panic mode. I always make myself enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but just barely, because I'm in a constant state of everything-has-to-be-perfect-everyone-has-to-be-happy-a-schedule-has-to-be-kept-up-with.
Every year I spend about three months prior to Christmas reminding the kids in every other breath that Christmas is not about "ME ME ME AND WHAT AM I GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS???" That's even more frustrating and more stressful than all the other stuff.
After Christmas last year, I said, "No more." At least to myself. And then the months started to pass, life got back to normal (that is, the normal level of crazy instead of the holiday level of crazy), I started my mid-year holiday planning, and I started to think, "It's once a year. It's not so bad. It's worth it to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. This year I will be able to help the kids understand the real meaning of Christmas. Etc. Etc. Etc." Just like every year.
And then I caught myself.
It wasn't just about the stress of making everything come off without a hitch. It was about the fact that all the TALK about the real meaning of Christmas wasn't getting into the kids' heads, because that's all it was: TALK. How can I expect them to believe that Christmas isn't about getting presents, if we keep giving them presents for Christmas? How can I expect them to believe that Christmas is about Christ and others, if we never do things for Christ and others?
So, as I mentioned in a previous post, Randy and I started talking about it this past summer, and decided to change up how we do Christmas.
It was so different. It was different to not have presents, to think about others instead of ourselves. It was different to just have a nice, quiet, relaxed day; it was different to not be rushing around like a crazy, stressed-out headless chicken. It was different to not have to worry about whether this was going to go right or that was going to be done in time for the next thing to happen. It was different, but in a GREAT way. I cannot express how much better it was to experience Christmas this way, as a family. For the first time in my life, I did not experience the Day-After-Christmas Blues, or the need-to-sleep-for-a-week-to-recover feeling. Friday, we are doing New Year's presents, and last night I got to sit down and wrap, with no stress, no panicky feelings, no worrying about a million other things I have to get done by "the deadline."
I am already looking forward to next Christmas :-).
Every year I spend about three months prior to Christmas reminding the kids in every other breath that Christmas is not about "ME ME ME AND WHAT AM I GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS???" That's even more frustrating and more stressful than all the other stuff.
After Christmas last year, I said, "No more." At least to myself. And then the months started to pass, life got back to normal (that is, the normal level of crazy instead of the holiday level of crazy), I started my mid-year holiday planning, and I started to think, "It's once a year. It's not so bad. It's worth it to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. This year I will be able to help the kids understand the real meaning of Christmas. Etc. Etc. Etc." Just like every year.
And then I caught myself.
It wasn't just about the stress of making everything come off without a hitch. It was about the fact that all the TALK about the real meaning of Christmas wasn't getting into the kids' heads, because that's all it was: TALK. How can I expect them to believe that Christmas isn't about getting presents, if we keep giving them presents for Christmas? How can I expect them to believe that Christmas is about Christ and others, if we never do things for Christ and others?
So, as I mentioned in a previous post, Randy and I started talking about it this past summer, and decided to change up how we do Christmas.
It was so different. It was different to not have presents, to think about others instead of ourselves. It was different to just have a nice, quiet, relaxed day; it was different to not be rushing around like a crazy, stressed-out headless chicken. It was different to not have to worry about whether this was going to go right or that was going to be done in time for the next thing to happen. It was different, but in a GREAT way. I cannot express how much better it was to experience Christmas this way, as a family. For the first time in my life, I did not experience the Day-After-Christmas Blues, or the need-to-sleep-for-a-week-to-recover feeling. Friday, we are doing New Year's presents, and last night I got to sit down and wrap, with no stress, no panicky feelings, no worrying about a million other things I have to get done by "the deadline."
I am already looking forward to next Christmas :-).
Monday, December 17, 2012
Early Christmas!
"Merry Christmas!"
That's what Liam's case manager said when she called at 11:00 this morning.
I sat in stunned silence for a moment, unsure of whether it "meant" something or she was just giving me a cheerful greeting to begin her phone call.
You see, today was the day our court hearing for the TPR for Liam's birth mom was supposed to begin; we wouldn't even know until today whether our case made it into the court room today, because they schedule 5 trials to begin every Monday. We found out last week that we were second on the docket, and the case who was ahead of us might not be ready to begin today; but we still wouldn't know for sure until this morning. I didn't go to court, because it is an hour drive, and it didn't make sense since we didn't know if it would begin, and I wouldn't have been allowed in for the trial anyway, since I was subpoenaed.
So I was expecting the CM to call, and had to assume trial began today, since court started at 8:30, and she wasn't calling until almost 3 hours later. But that was the most I could hope for.
"Um... Does that mean you have good news for me?" I asked slowly.
"Yes!" she replied excitedly. "BM terminated her rights voluntarily!"
"Really?? I mean, really?? It's done??"
"Yep! The judge asked her all the questions and went though everything, and then she left. Then I gave my testimony and he scheduled the adoption!"
She then proceeded to give me the date for the adoption, and then went back and told me a few more details about her conversation with BM before court.
She's coming on Thursday for a home visit, so I may hear more about it then, but honestly I doubt there's much to tell.
Three years ago today, we got the same exact Christmas present. This was the very same day Hunter and Kaleigh's TPRs were finalized. (***CORRECTION: I went back to check the facts, and Hunter and Kaleigh were actually TPR'd a week earlier. My apologies for the mistake!!***) Liam's adoption date falls just 4 days after theirs! Which is way cool, because we'll have an AWESOME way to celebrate Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption day this year - and they'll all celebrate at the same time every year. It's just really cool.
And of course we are humbled and grateful to God for His mercy and grace, shown to our family and to our sweet little boy who has already brought so much joy to our lives. We are blessed beyond measure.
That's what Liam's case manager said when she called at 11:00 this morning.
I sat in stunned silence for a moment, unsure of whether it "meant" something or she was just giving me a cheerful greeting to begin her phone call.
You see, today was the day our court hearing for the TPR for Liam's birth mom was supposed to begin; we wouldn't even know until today whether our case made it into the court room today, because they schedule 5 trials to begin every Monday. We found out last week that we were second on the docket, and the case who was ahead of us might not be ready to begin today; but we still wouldn't know for sure until this morning. I didn't go to court, because it is an hour drive, and it didn't make sense since we didn't know if it would begin, and I wouldn't have been allowed in for the trial anyway, since I was subpoenaed.
So I was expecting the CM to call, and had to assume trial began today, since court started at 8:30, and she wasn't calling until almost 3 hours later. But that was the most I could hope for.
"Um... Does that mean you have good news for me?" I asked slowly.
"Yes!" she replied excitedly. "BM terminated her rights voluntarily!"
"Really?? I mean, really?? It's done??"
"Yep! The judge asked her all the questions and went though everything, and then she left. Then I gave my testimony and he scheduled the adoption!"
She then proceeded to give me the date for the adoption, and then went back and told me a few more details about her conversation with BM before court.
She's coming on Thursday for a home visit, so I may hear more about it then, but honestly I doubt there's much to tell.
Three years ago today, we got the same exact Christmas present. This was the very same day Hunter and Kaleigh's TPRs were finalized. (***CORRECTION: I went back to check the facts, and Hunter and Kaleigh were actually TPR'd a week earlier. My apologies for the mistake!!***) Liam's adoption date falls just 4 days after theirs! Which is way cool, because we'll have an AWESOME way to celebrate Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption day this year - and they'll all celebrate at the same time every year. It's just really cool.
And of course we are humbled and grateful to God for His mercy and grace, shown to our family and to our sweet little boy who has already brought so much joy to our lives. We are blessed beyond measure.
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