Updates

Well, I have updates on both K3 and K4's cases.  They are long overdue, but I have been frustrated by both situations and daily fighting anxiety over the fates of my girls, and the thought of writing about it has been too overwhelming.

None of that has changed, but as dates are drawing closer, I need to update those who already knew those dates and will soon begin asking about them.

There is a TPR trial scheduled for K3.  It was set much later in time than we expected - or than it should have been, based on the court calendar.  It could have been scheduled much sooner, but the attorneys know how to play time-dragging games.  It's very frustrating.  Still, the amount of time  between the last hearing and the trial is short compared to the amount of time she has spent in foster care.  If you have been in prayer for our little girl and our family, please pray with us that this relatively short amount of time will not, in the judge's determination, outweigh the amount of time she has been in permanency limbo.  Please pray that the judge will see that she desperately needs permanence, and that dragging out permanence would be more devastating for her than beneficial.

Secondly, as some of you know, we had an adoption scheduled for K4.  We found out right before Christmas that an appeal had been filed on her TPR; the appeal would have been filed in August or early September, yet no one in the DAs office informed anyone in the agency about the appeal.  So the adoption will not happen in February, and we will not have a new date until the appeal is dealt with.  The date that was supposed to be the adoption will now be a status hearing on the appeal, so again if you are praying with us, please pray that everything will be resolved (or brought near to resolution) at this hearing.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers.  God has really given me peace over these situations, and helps me daily in overcoming the worry and anxiety that come so easily when your child's future is so tangibly unknown.  (I know, none of our children's futures are known.)  But prayers for continued peace would also be appreciated.

Stuff and Things

SO much has happened since my last post.  (I know, I know - you're tired of hearing that EVERY time I write.)

We had an AWESOME start to the school year.  We have, for the most part, stuck with a good routine and daily schedule, switching it up here and there when necessary.  These last week and a half have been a bit too relaxed for my liking, but next week is our Fall 9-week Break, which is sorely needed; and I fully expect us to start strong again after that. 

Part of the reason we've had a relaxed couple of weeks is because I made and canned 18 quarts of apple sauce and about 2 dozen quarts of apple cider.  Then my dad "surprised" me with two HUGE boxes of grapes from his buddy's vineyard; so last week, with the kids' help, I got about half of them done and canned into grape juice.  I have 6 dozen quarts so far, which means there are another 6-8 dozen quarts' worth of grapes left to can.  Oh, and I'm down to a dozen jars, AFTER buying another 2 dozen last week.  So this should be interesting.

K3's TPR was FINALLY filed with the court, and the initial appearance hearing was Monday.  It was adjourned.  It will likely be adjourned again.  If you remember from Liam's case, this is the norm.  But I'm more frustrated about this case than I was with his, because she shouldn't even have to be worrying about permanence.  This should have been over and done a long time ago.  I continue to pray for a miracle, but it's hard not to be discouraged some days.

Liam turned TWO a couple of weeks ago!  It's pretty ridiculous; I still can't really believe he's 2 already.  It still seems like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital.  Soon my K4 will also be 2; not sure how I feel about having two 2 year olds!  

Speaking of K4, we have, after much discussion and mind-changing and negotiating, come up with her new name.  :-D

Friday is November 1st, which means the beginning of National Novel Writing Month.  For the past three years, Hunter has joined me in the novel-writing adventure.  This year, Kaleigh will also participate!  For those who are not familiar with the Young Writer's Program branch of NaNoWriMo, the coolest part about it is that participants choose their own word count.  The kids and I discussed and agreed upon their word counts for this year; but I can't tell you what they are juuuuuuust yet.  Don't worry; you'll find out soon enough ;-).

Randy and I took the kids out to the county park for their annual "school" pics this past Sunday afternoon.  I SO wish I could share them here, but I can't.  Well, I can actually share pictures of three of them, but since I can't share them all, I don't really want to share any.  It doesn't feel right.

I guess those are the highlights.  

The day-to-day feels like a grind many days.  Liam and K4 take turns (or sometimes not) being whiny and clingy.  K2 and K3 take turns being deliberately disobedient.  Hunter can't quite figure out how to get to the maturity level of a 13 year old.  But Liam and K4 also take turns wanting kisses and hugs.  K2 and K3 are doing amazingly better at getting along with each other than they were several months ago.  Hunter is learning, even though slowly, and sometimes I am somewhat taken aback by his thoughtfulness and kind-heartedness.  So just as many days are fun and exciting and enjoyable.

Time to go think about dinner for tonight.

and sometimes...

...the wheels of justice turn as they ought to.

Our little K4 was TPR'd yesterday.

There are, as usual, still 30 days to appeal; but they have no legal grounds, so it's not very likely.

It is almost unbelievable, after all we've been through with every other child, to have a case end this quickly.  (**Sidenote: Please don't ANYONE use the word "deserve" in a comment; I absolutely despise the word.)  It hasn't even really hit me yet.  In fact, because this happened so fast, we have to wait longer than we've ever had to to finalize adoption.  She has to live with us for 6 months before we can adopt; so an adoption is schedule for..........drum roll please..........February!  This means all of our adoptions so far will be in the same month.

If you pray, please pray - or continue to pray - for our K3.  The wheels continue to turn very slowly in her case.  Please pray that her TPR will be finalized by December, the main reason being that I don't think I can bear for her to have to watch another child adopted before her.  She has been with us a year and a half, and she has been in care for 3 years - almost 75% of her life.  Of course there are a multitude of other reasons we are praying for her TPR to be finalized by December, but I really really really want to finalize her adoption at the same time as K4.

Her TPR was referred last week (still annoyed about that, since it could have been done in April and filed by the DA in May), so I'm just hoping the ball will get rolling again quickly.  Everyone who is involved from a legal standpoint has been involved since the beginning of her first TPR, which is fairly uncommon, but a really good thing in this case.  We are praying and hoping that the judge will want to get this going and overwith, knowing how long she has been in limbo.

More to come.  Thanks in advance for all the thoughts and prayers!

Waiting

I think when you're a foster parent, you do a whole lot.  Some of it is just regular parenting "stuff":  you give baths, play on the floor, read stories, teach life skills and lessons, discipline.  Some of it exceeds the bounds of parenting birth children.  (Some of the "regular" parenting requirements also exceed the usual limits.)  The list is exhaustive, and varies greatly from one foster family to another.

But I think one thing all foster parents would agree on is that there is one thing we do more than anything else: waiting.

And that's what we're doing right now.  In so many ways.

For starters, we are waiting to see if a letter gets signed by a judge by Tuesday.  If it does, then the snag is resolved and our K4, who arrived again on Friday, is here to stay.  If it doesn't, she has to return to the previous foster parents on Tuesday and then come back on Tuesday.  This constant back and forth has been hard on her and made it very difficult to get her into a routine and help her start to understand the boundaries.  So we pray this letter makes it to a judge to be signed by Tuesday, so that this time, the progress she has made will not be undone.

Secondly, we are waiting for K2's new TPR paperwork to be filed.  It could have been filed in May based on the legal timeline, but the CW is not on the ball, and doesn't seem to care that this child has been in the system for over 2 years now.  I realize CWs are overloaded and extremely busy, but I would think that a child who has spent so much time in limbo and who KNOWS it, would be at the top of the priority list.  As of Thursday, the paperwork had not yet been sent to the DA's office, so now two additional months have passed in the life of this little girl who regularly asks me, "Are we gonna adopt me?

Thankfully, we know that everything is in God's hands.  It's hard to believe there's Someone who loves my babies more than I do, but there is, and I have to trust that He is going to take care of them, while praying that He sees fit to place them in the earthly care of the family that they truly belong to.

Little Miss Thang

Well we have just concluded our final "visit" with the Little Miss.

Let's just say there's going to be a very definite transition period.

It's pretty obvious that she's spoiled.  She's used to being picked up and carried around.  She's used to her demands being met - immediately.  She's used to being parked in front of the TV.  She's used to getting what she wants when she wants it.  

She's used to falling asleep in front of the TV whenever she darn well pleases and then being put to bed.

If you know us even the slightest, you know that none of that flies here!

Right now, she is about the unhappiest child I have ever met, unless she is being directly entertained in the manner in which she has demanded to be entertained.  She walks around the house whining and crying and moaning.  Attempts to redirect her and engage her in playing with toys are currently unsuccessful, so I've taken to ignoring the mopey-ness for the most part.  When she does smile or laugh engage positively in something, I praise her and hug her and try to make sure attention is put on the positive behavior while being withheld from the negative behavior.  

I'm pretty sure that her general unhappiness is a combination of not getting what she wants all day long, and feeling uprooted and displaced right now without any way to express those feelings.  I can't even imagine what it's like as a toddler to suddenly start spending long periods of time (several days is an eternity when you're tiny!) in a home you've never seen before, with strangers you don't know, and routines you aren't used to.  And we have made some alterations for her, such as rocking her to sleep; while at the same time trying to teach some basic behavior modification, such as not allowing her to scream when she doesn't get her way.  (And boy does she scream.)

I have to say that although the process is frustrating (and the screaming is grating), I think that progress has been made even over the course of two visits.  When she is placed on time out for screaming and told that I will come get her when she is done screaming, she doesn't scream for quite as long as she did a week and a half ago.  (Screaming at nap time is another story, however.)

She does sleep through the night, which I have to say is no small mercy, since Liam is still struggling in that area many nights.

We have two nights, and then K4 (don't pretend you're surprised) will be home on Thursday, Lord-willing to stay <3>

A "Little" Surprise

I still have one vacation post to write, but it's time to pause and make a little announcement.

A couple of you already know, and a couple more of you may have guessed.  For the rest of you, here it is:

Liam is about to become a twin!


As Paul Harvey would say, here is the rest of the story:

In early April, Randy and I received information from Liam's previous caseworker about a little girl on her caseload who was going to need to be moved soon, as she was about to be referred for TPR and was with a foster family who would not be planning to adopt.  I had mentioned to her in the past that I hoped we would be able to add one more child in the future, and she wanted to know if we were still considering that, so she could have us looked into as a potential resource for Baby Girl.

There's a process that has to be followed when looking to place a child in general, and especially when placing a child with an adoptive resource.  As we waited (somewhat) patiently for the process to occur, I checked in regularly with the CW to see how things were coming along. 

Eventually she was referred.  To another family.  I never received "official" word that she was being placed with the other family, and I didn't pester the CW for it, because in all honesty, I didn't want the official rejection.  I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind, but I knew that God was watching out for her, and I decided to simply pray for her, her safe-keeping, and her future.

When I didn't hear anything more, I assumed she was being moved to the other foster family.  I moved on mentally, simply saying a little prayer for her whenever she came to mind.

Last week, we got a phone call from the CW.  Baby Girl's placement fell through.  She had a couple of visits with them, and on the visit that was supposed to continue into official placement, they decided they couldn't do it, for personal reasons.  CW went to pick her up and asked Placement what she should do; they asked her to see if we were still interested.

So we'll be starting visits with her next weekend.  She is two months younger than Liam; so I will have the boy-girl twins I've always wanted :-). 

More to come as we continue on this wonderfully crazy journey :-).