Updates

Well, I have updates on both K3 and K4's cases.  They are long overdue, but I have been frustrated by both situations and daily fighting anxiety over the fates of my girls, and the thought of writing about it has been too overwhelming.

None of that has changed, but as dates are drawing closer, I need to update those who already knew those dates and will soon begin asking about them.

There is a TPR trial scheduled for K3.  It was set much later in time than we expected - or than it should have been, based on the court calendar.  It could have been scheduled much sooner, but the attorneys know how to play time-dragging games.  It's very frustrating.  Still, the amount of time  between the last hearing and the trial is short compared to the amount of time she has spent in foster care.  If you have been in prayer for our little girl and our family, please pray with us that this relatively short amount of time will not, in the judge's determination, outweigh the amount of time she has been in permanency limbo.  Please pray that the judge will see that she desperately needs permanence, and that dragging out permanence would be more devastating for her than beneficial.

Secondly, as some of you know, we had an adoption scheduled for K4.  We found out right before Christmas that an appeal had been filed on her TPR; the appeal would have been filed in August or early September, yet no one in the DAs office informed anyone in the agency about the appeal.  So the adoption will not happen in February, and we will not have a new date until the appeal is dealt with.  The date that was supposed to be the adoption will now be a status hearing on the appeal, so again if you are praying with us, please pray that everything will be resolved (or brought near to resolution) at this hearing.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers.  God has really given me peace over these situations, and helps me daily in overcoming the worry and anxiety that come so easily when your child's future is so tangibly unknown.  (I know, none of our children's futures are known.)  But prayers for continued peace would also be appreciated.

Stuff and Things

SO much has happened since my last post.  (I know, I know - you're tired of hearing that EVERY time I write.)

We had an AWESOME start to the school year.  We have, for the most part, stuck with a good routine and daily schedule, switching it up here and there when necessary.  These last week and a half have been a bit too relaxed for my liking, but next week is our Fall 9-week Break, which is sorely needed; and I fully expect us to start strong again after that. 

Part of the reason we've had a relaxed couple of weeks is because I made and canned 18 quarts of apple sauce and about 2 dozen quarts of apple cider.  Then my dad "surprised" me with two HUGE boxes of grapes from his buddy's vineyard; so last week, with the kids' help, I got about half of them done and canned into grape juice.  I have 6 dozen quarts so far, which means there are another 6-8 dozen quarts' worth of grapes left to can.  Oh, and I'm down to a dozen jars, AFTER buying another 2 dozen last week.  So this should be interesting.

K3's TPR was FINALLY filed with the court, and the initial appearance hearing was Monday.  It was adjourned.  It will likely be adjourned again.  If you remember from Liam's case, this is the norm.  But I'm more frustrated about this case than I was with his, because she shouldn't even have to be worrying about permanence.  This should have been over and done a long time ago.  I continue to pray for a miracle, but it's hard not to be discouraged some days.

Liam turned TWO a couple of weeks ago!  It's pretty ridiculous; I still can't really believe he's 2 already.  It still seems like it was just yesterday that we brought him home from the hospital.  Soon my K4 will also be 2; not sure how I feel about having two 2 year olds!  

Speaking of K4, we have, after much discussion and mind-changing and negotiating, come up with her new name.  :-D

Friday is November 1st, which means the beginning of National Novel Writing Month.  For the past three years, Hunter has joined me in the novel-writing adventure.  This year, Kaleigh will also participate!  For those who are not familiar with the Young Writer's Program branch of NaNoWriMo, the coolest part about it is that participants choose their own word count.  The kids and I discussed and agreed upon their word counts for this year; but I can't tell you what they are juuuuuuust yet.  Don't worry; you'll find out soon enough ;-).

Randy and I took the kids out to the county park for their annual "school" pics this past Sunday afternoon.  I SO wish I could share them here, but I can't.  Well, I can actually share pictures of three of them, but since I can't share them all, I don't really want to share any.  It doesn't feel right.

I guess those are the highlights.  

The day-to-day feels like a grind many days.  Liam and K4 take turns (or sometimes not) being whiny and clingy.  K2 and K3 take turns being deliberately disobedient.  Hunter can't quite figure out how to get to the maturity level of a 13 year old.  But Liam and K4 also take turns wanting kisses and hugs.  K2 and K3 are doing amazingly better at getting along with each other than they were several months ago.  Hunter is learning, even though slowly, and sometimes I am somewhat taken aback by his thoughtfulness and kind-heartedness.  So just as many days are fun and exciting and enjoyable.

Time to go think about dinner for tonight.

and sometimes...

...the wheels of justice turn as they ought to.

Our little K4 was TPR'd yesterday.

There are, as usual, still 30 days to appeal; but they have no legal grounds, so it's not very likely.

It is almost unbelievable, after all we've been through with every other child, to have a case end this quickly.  (**Sidenote: Please don't ANYONE use the word "deserve" in a comment; I absolutely despise the word.)  It hasn't even really hit me yet.  In fact, because this happened so fast, we have to wait longer than we've ever had to to finalize adoption.  She has to live with us for 6 months before we can adopt; so an adoption is schedule for..........drum roll please..........February!  This means all of our adoptions so far will be in the same month.

If you pray, please pray - or continue to pray - for our K3.  The wheels continue to turn very slowly in her case.  Please pray that her TPR will be finalized by December, the main reason being that I don't think I can bear for her to have to watch another child adopted before her.  She has been with us a year and a half, and she has been in care for 3 years - almost 75% of her life.  Of course there are a multitude of other reasons we are praying for her TPR to be finalized by December, but I really really really want to finalize her adoption at the same time as K4.

Her TPR was referred last week (still annoyed about that, since it could have been done in April and filed by the DA in May), so I'm just hoping the ball will get rolling again quickly.  Everyone who is involved from a legal standpoint has been involved since the beginning of her first TPR, which is fairly uncommon, but a really good thing in this case.  We are praying and hoping that the judge will want to get this going and overwith, knowing how long she has been in limbo.

More to come.  Thanks in advance for all the thoughts and prayers!

Waiting

I think when you're a foster parent, you do a whole lot.  Some of it is just regular parenting "stuff":  you give baths, play on the floor, read stories, teach life skills and lessons, discipline.  Some of it exceeds the bounds of parenting birth children.  (Some of the "regular" parenting requirements also exceed the usual limits.)  The list is exhaustive, and varies greatly from one foster family to another.

But I think one thing all foster parents would agree on is that there is one thing we do more than anything else: waiting.

And that's what we're doing right now.  In so many ways.

For starters, we are waiting to see if a letter gets signed by a judge by Tuesday.  If it does, then the snag is resolved and our K4, who arrived again on Friday, is here to stay.  If it doesn't, she has to return to the previous foster parents on Tuesday and then come back on Tuesday.  This constant back and forth has been hard on her and made it very difficult to get her into a routine and help her start to understand the boundaries.  So we pray this letter makes it to a judge to be signed by Tuesday, so that this time, the progress she has made will not be undone.

Secondly, we are waiting for K2's new TPR paperwork to be filed.  It could have been filed in May based on the legal timeline, but the CW is not on the ball, and doesn't seem to care that this child has been in the system for over 2 years now.  I realize CWs are overloaded and extremely busy, but I would think that a child who has spent so much time in limbo and who KNOWS it, would be at the top of the priority list.  As of Thursday, the paperwork had not yet been sent to the DA's office, so now two additional months have passed in the life of this little girl who regularly asks me, "Are we gonna adopt me?

Thankfully, we know that everything is in God's hands.  It's hard to believe there's Someone who loves my babies more than I do, but there is, and I have to trust that He is going to take care of them, while praying that He sees fit to place them in the earthly care of the family that they truly belong to.

Multiple Updates

I know the update on Liam is what everyone is reading for, so I'll lead with that.  Then if you don't want to hear about the hum-drum stuff, you don't have to.  ;-)

(Just a reminder, Liam is not yet his legal name; so we aren't breaking any rules here.)

We had pretrial this week, and while I didn't go, the CW updated me after the hearing.  BM was still going to fight because she "thinks she deserves the chance to parent him."  Yeah, don't even get me started.  Then her lawyer asked for the hearing to be rescheduled, but the judge denied his request, because there is only one other case ahead of ours, and it sounds like there is a pretty good chance they won't be ready - which means our trial would start Monday!  I received a subpoena in the mail last week from the DA's office; I'm not sure if they will actually want me to testify or if they did it just in case they go right into the Best Interest phase after the Grounds phase is complete.  (I can't imagine any reason I would be called to testify in the Grounds phase, since that is about proving there are sufficient grounds for TPR, and the Best Interest phase is about deciding what is in the best interest of child as far as permanency.  Typically a foster parent would be called in the Best Interest phase in order to state their desire/willingness to adopt the child.)

Apparently the judge gave BM a speech about doing what was best for Liam, and her attorney and a permanency counselor were still going to talk to her after trial about doing voluntary.  Still, I have to say, I don't really want her to do voluntary.  She is the person who would turn it around on herself, brag that she "gave her son up for adoption" (which is an inaccurate statement when CPS is involved), and try to make everyone feel sorry for her and believe she is a selfless person.  Yes, I'm aware it sounds somewhat selfish, or bitter, but after everything she has put him and us through over the past two years (because she was abusing him in utero), she should go through a trial and see what that's like.  But, that's neither here nor there; we will see on Monday how it goes.

The Little Man in question is teething, once again getting four teeth at once.  Between that and the periodic withdrawals, he can be quite the crank monster, not to mention he is drooling like nobody's business.  He still has his happy times though, which I am very thankful for - he is such a sweet baby!  At the moment he is digging through his diaper bag, pulling out snacks, his water bottle, and the few toys I keep in there.  He loves to eat - his favorite foods are bananas (his first official word besides Mama and Dada was Nana) and avocados.  He has absolutely no interest in walking (which is fine with me HAHA!) but can crawl like a maniac and get all the way around the main floor circle at a ridiculous lightning speed.

My little K3 will be 4 years old in only a month and a half!  It's so crazy to think about that, when she was just a couple of months over 3 when she came to us.  She has really grown in development over the past 8 months.  We have had some pretty serious behavior issues with her; she is in therapy, but at such a young age therapy can only do so much.  It is sad to think about the possibilities when it comes to realizing what is behind the behaviors.  I have a feeling that part of the deal is that she knows she is in a safe place now, and perhaps her mind has "permission" to start remembering things that maybe it wasn't safe to remember before.  I may be wrong about that, and I'm sure there are other factors and triggers as well - I'm quite certain BD told her she was going to come live with him soon - but I think that's at least part of it.  She loves to play with babies, and also enjoys coloring, though doesn't always like to sit still and concentrate for very long, as is typical for her developmental age.

Kaleigh has struggled through general number sense in school this first half of the year, but is finally starting to grasp the concepts, and has her addition facts down pretty well.  Her general reasoning skills tell me that once she really gets into math, she will excel, so for now we just keep practicing, practicing, practicing!  She is reading like a pro now, and of course writing and spelling follow.  Her favorite activity is still coloring, though!  She is a very meticulous child most of the time, and likes to color detailed pictures, as well as any activity that includes cutting and pasting.  A new fun thing she has recently discovered is word search puzzles.  It won't be long before she is doing crossword puzzles and playing Scrabble.

Hunter is plowing right along through seventh grade.  He's doing pre-algebra work, although the most frustrating thing with him and math is that once he masters a skill, he forgets it.  We've had to go back and review some fifth and sixth grade fractions work in the past two weeks; it just makes the new lessons move slowly.  He continues to be a voracious reader, which continues to thrill me to my core.  He is really enjoying the Rick Riordan books, and keeps reading the different series' over and over.  His New Year's gift of "Something to Read" is going to be The Hunger Games, which he has been dying to read; he will be totally surprised because I told him awhile back that he had to wait until he was older.  I think it will be good for him though.

At this moment, my Christmas cards are sitting in the UPS warehouse in Sturtevant! It's the first year I've had the time and energy to get cards done, and they are sitting in a warehouse while I could be getting them in envelopes!  GRRRR!

I have almost everything I need for the kids' Christmas Eve packages!  Pajamas, movies, mugs... need to get slippers, which I will do this weekend, and I saw some of those little fleece blankets for like $5 at Walmart a couple of weeks ago, so if I can find those again, they'll each be getting one of those.  

Next week is baking week.  I have several recipes ready to go; I'm going to have to swing by Sam's and/or Aldi to get more of the staples before we get started.  Hunter's math homework next week will be to double or triple each recipe (depending on how much we need) :-).  All three of the kids will practice following directions!

Off to enjoy the last few minutes of Liam's nap before he wakes up...

Little of This, Little of That

Things are quiet on the legal front.  

The next hearing on K3's case is on Wednesday; we will not be attending.  We haven't attended a single hearing for her yet, because they've all been for minor things.  And with the way things are going, I'm really glad we haven't wasted our time there.  On Wednesday, it is expected that the DA will drop the TPR petition.  Everything will start over from here as far as the TPR timeline.  In six months, they can file again; they can still use the material and evidence from the past two years, which I was grateful to hear.  There is no telling what BD will do; this case has turned from an almost guaranteed adoption into a waiting game.  And yes, we know as foster parents that everything is a waiting game and nothing is final until it's final.  But you certainly have a different mindset when you get a child who is on the way to TPR than when you get a child that is yet an unknown.  Not that we would love her any less; but you just have it in your head that you can't get your hopes up.  She was supposed to be our "easy" case, the one we didn't have to worry about.  Oh well.  God knows.  He certainly hears our prayers. 

The next hearing on Liam's case isn't until a week from Tuesday.  I really don't know what to expect.  BM just continues to spiral downward more and more out of control.  

Things on the home front are a different story.

Homeschooling more than one child at a time is certainly and interesting and challenging - but of course fun - adventure.  Hunter is in seventh, and Kaleigh is in first.  I am doing some pre-K work with K3, but not on a daily basis.  We are doing Social Studies, Science, and Literature together each morning; then we have a special (different each day), then lunch.  In the afternoon, K3 and Liam (hopefully) nap while I do math, spelling/writing, language, and reading comp with Kaleigh and Hunter.  They each do grade-appropriate work.  I really enjoy the freedom to choose what my children will learn and stay, as well as the ability to schedule their days/weeks and prevent them from coming home from 6 hours of school just to do 2 more hours of homework.  

Liam is becoming such a little man!!  He walks along furniture, but refuses to stand or try to walk with help - he crawls everywhere, and very quickly!  He discovered this week that he loves to climb stairs.  He made it all the way to the top the other, with no help (except a spotter, of course!), and yesterday while I was grading papers, I had to pull him off the stairs no less than four times.  He is eating mostly solids now, and his eczema has cleared up quite a bit, so I am seriously thinking it is a milk allergy.  We already know he can't have soy (*someone* kept force-feeding him soy formula and he would ALWAYS throw it up) so we are starting to try a little almond milk to see how he does.

Aside from Randy working some late nights lately, I guess that's about it :-)

Update 1 of 2 - K3

(In case you're wondering, we've put a hold on calling Little Girl "Kaedyn."  Since we don't know what the future holds now, we don't want to confuse or upset her.  I'll just keep referring to her as K3 here, since I can't use her real name anyway.)

Her worker was here this morning.  The DA and GAL are going to be dropping the TPR petition in October, at the next hearing.  They will file a new CHiPS petition (Child in need of Protective Services), and the timeline starts over.

One of my main questions regarding this "start over" was answered:  ONLY the timeline on the TPR starts over.  The timeline on the whole case does not.  Meaning, all the grounds that they have had since the day K3 was detained can still be used going forward.  THANK GOD.  I was so afraid they would all be wiped away.  

BM is incarcerated, and no one knows for how long, but it sounds like we're talking about years.  BD claims to be getting clean, but he also has something looking over his shoulder every day, so he really hasn't shown whether he can do it on his own.  Also, some of the stories he tells CW aren't immediately verifiable.  We have been doing one visit a month with BD; CW thinks she will have to go to 2 visits a month starting in October. 

I'm just trying not to think too much about the whole thing.  It's so sad for her and frustrating for us.  Kids KNOW when their situation isn't permanent.  That's why she keeps regurgitating her testing behaviors: to see if we will still keep her even if she is "naughty."

Please keep us in your prayers.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Tomorrow we have court for Liam.  BPs still haven't done anything, and the judge told them at the last hearing that he was suspending visits until this hearing, and he would make a further decision based on what they did between then and now.  BM has actually spiraled completely out of control, and BD has done absolutely nothing.  In fact, CW found out some things that have been going on with him that she didn't know before.  We are praying that the judge will continue suspended visits, especially for mom.  (If he gives dad visits back, and dad misses just one, he will be in default for abandonment.)  I am also praying that if God would see fit, BM would just not show up to court.  I believe her current condition is worse than it's ever been, and while I'm not getting my hopes up, I won't be surprised if she doesn't show up.  I am praying that for Liam's sake, if at all possible, this could just be ended quickly.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers during this time!

Another K3 Update

Well I think I'm level-headed enough to try to write about yesterday's hearing.

I texted the Caseworker this morning just to confirm nothing had happened at the hearing yesterday.

The motion they went in for didn't pass, as everyone predicted.  But, the judge discovered something else.  The piece of paper stating the TPR was being filed on the parents wasn't attached to the main petition packet.  So the judge threw out all the grounds reasons that were contained in that petition.  They still have the grounds that she has been in out-of-home care for 15 out of 22 months (she's been in foster care for 24 months now), but the DA doesn't think it will be enough.  (I don't know why, when 15/22 is a federal statute, and ought to be enough all on its own.)

Bottom line: if they decide to drop the petition now, they can't refile again for 6 months.  

Why does every single case have to be difficult?  Why can't we catch ONE break?  

Sorry.  /pityparty

I just think children deserve better than this.  She's already having attachment issues and fear of abandonment, which are affecting her behaviors.  Dragging this out is definitely not going to make those things any better.  

*sigh*

K3 Update

Well, since we're calling Liam by his future/hopeful adoptive name, I might as well start referring to our other little one by hers - Kaedyn :-).  We are alternating names with her, here at home, to give her time to get used to the name.  Her birth first name will become one of her middle names, along with Ann - the middle name of my mother-in-law and one of my best friends.  (In case you missed it in the past, each of our kids has two middle names and at least one family name/namesake.)  After a few weeks of declaring she was "not Kaedyn," two weeks ago she proudly announced she "was not ______; she wanted to be Kaedyn."  (Cruel, you say?  Not exactly.  We started calling her by her new name now, so that if after months of hearing it she still did not want it, we would not force it on her at adoption.)  The really funny part is, Kaleigh went through this exact same thing.  For weeks, she said, rather vehemently, "I'm not a Kaleigh, I'm a Shilah!"  And then suddenly one day she said, "I want to be a Kaleigh!" and the next time she saw her Great Grandparents she said, "I'm not a Shilah, I'm a Kaleigh!"  It was so cute.  And just melted this Mama's heart.

Anyway, there you go.  I love, love, LOVE our kids' names.  I should probably write a post about where each of their names, first and middle, come from.  They are each intentional and meaningful.

SO.  Tomorrow is a hearing on Kaedyn's case.  We don't need to be there; in fact, the birthparents won't even be there, just the attorneys.  The hearing is so that the attorneys can be heard on a motion that even they admit is frivolous and won't be granted.

On the one hand, I'm glad we don't have anything to worry about.

On the other hand, I think it's absolutely ridiculous and unacceptable that the system can be used this way - by attorneys who are supposed to be ethical and do the right thing, of all the people in this system.  The TPR hearing is scheduled for October; we continue to hope and pray that it will not be rescheduled again.  She goes for her once-a-month visit this week, and I'm not looking forward to it.  She doesn't really know him, but I still hate having to send her away for those couple of hours.  I will be glad when thoughts of him/them are not constantly waiting at the back of my mind.  (Yes, thoughts of the birthparents, as a piece of our family one way or the other, are always "there."  But it's not the same as their constant presence, no matter how infrequent.)

So even though it really isn't likely to change anything, I will still be waiting pretty much all day to hear from the CW confirming that the motion was not granted.

K3 Update and Planning for Fall

The trial for K3's TPR was adjourned until October.  There is nothing more to say on that, except please pray.  Thanks!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

We will be starting summer school soon (as in, next week).  Summer school at the Shan Clan Manor consists of crafts, games, music, and a few academic subjects based on what each child needs to brush up on before the next year of school begins.  For Hunter this will be geography and math and typing, and for Kaleigh it will be reading (although she is doing VERY well with her reading) and writing and math.

As I mentally plan for this, I have inevitably begun thinking about beginning school in the fall, and I have to say, it struck me yesterday that I have had it pretty easy with Hunter these last two years.  This year I will have a pre-preschooler, a first grader, and a seventh grader. 

YIKES!

I am definitely going to have to kick the discipline level up a notch.  Or seven.  I may even find myself buying - GASP! - a lesson planning book.  EEEP!  

I'm also going to do some searching to see if I can any curricula for certain subjects, like social studies and science, that have lessons that can be taught to different age groups but worksheets geared to the different ages.  Might be a pipe dream.

Well, off to start breakfast and enjoy a day at home before starting up with all the chaos!

Waiting...

There was a pretrial hearing for K3's TPR hearing this morning at 10 (allegedly).  We opted not to go because the drive to Children's Court is an hour, and we were told the DA is going to be asking for an adjournment because one of her witnesses is unable to testify next week.  It didn't make sense for Randy to miss a day of work and for us to drive an hour just to hear them ask for an adjournment.

However, that leaves me sitting at home waiting to hear from the Case Manager to find out how it went.  What I'm most anxious to hear about is when they adjourn to.  I really hope it isn't months out, though I'm concerned it will be.  

Will update when I hear something.  I'm kind of wondering if they are behind today (they often are), because it would be unusual for this hearing to go so long, unless the judge still wanted to take care of pretrial matters.  Which I suppose isn't completely outside the realm of possibility.