Even When It's True?

"Never say 'never' and 'always.'"

My mom drilled this into our heads from the time we were young.  We'd fight, and argue, and inevitably accuse each other of things - whether true or untrue - and nine times out of ten, someone would end up spitting out a phrase containing one - or both - of those words.

"You always take that plate when you know it's my favorite!"
"You never let me pick out the movie we're going to watch!"
"You always pick that movie when you know I hate it!"
"You never let me play video games with you!"

As adults, it's way too easy to let the words creep back into our vocabulary, especially when we're angry or frustrated.  The shell words change, but the implications do not.

In parenting...

"You never pick up after yourself."
"Why is it that you never do your chores completely?"
"You always leave your toys out!"
"You always leave your dirty clothes on the bathroom floor."

"You never listen to me!!"

And in marriage...

"You always leave your dirty socks on the floor."
"You never put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher."
"You always turn on the brightest light in the morning, even when I'm still sleeping."
"You never throw your dirty Kleenexes in the garbage."

"You never listen to me!!!"

"You never practice what you preach!"

The reason my mom drilled it into us as kids not to use these words when arguing, is because such absolutes are almost never true - do my kids REALLY leave their toys out every single time they play with them? or does my husband REALLY leave every single pair of dirty socks on the floor?

NOPE.

But what if they really DO do something the same "wrong" way every single time??  I have a memory, as my dad used to say, like a steel trap.  It is rare that I forget something (a lot less rare now that I'm a mom! HA!)  Let me rephrase - it's not rare that I forget to do something, but it IS rare that I forget details related to any given incident.  In other words, if one of my kids truly does forget to put the washcloth in the laundry every single time, I will remember it.  And it will not be an exaggeration.

I say this not to brag.  It's actually kind of a curse.  Here's why.

Even if it's true that my husband or one of my kids always does this or never does that, I should still NEVER use the unacceptable words.  And for someone with an excellent memory, who is by nature black-and-white, detailed, straight-forward, and perfectionistic about being accurate, it is VERY HARD for me not to say always and never, when they truly do apply.

Why shouldn't I use them if they are true, you say?  My husband NEEDS to know he ALWAYS leaves his wet towel on the floor, you say?  My kids NEED to know they NEVER do that chore the right way, you say?

No they don't.

1.  Absolutes create defensiveness.  Think about it.  When someone tells you that you "always" or "never," isn't your first response to deny the accusation?  

2.  Absolutes create extremes in confidence.  In cases such as the examples given above, negative extremes.  If someone feels like they never do anything right, eventually they will stop believing they CAN do it right, and they will stop trying.

3.  Absolutes leave no room for grace.  I can't tell my kids they NEVER do such and such, and follow it with a way to help them change the behavior, and expect them to believe me.  I can't teach my children grace or be a helpmate to my husband while sending the message that they don't do anything right. Absolutes and grace mix even less well than oil and water, and mixed messages never achieve positive ends.

Ultimately I want to show God's grace and mercy to my family, more than I want to be "right."  And in the end, I can't do that if I use "always" and "never" or any other similar words.

Healthy DIET and an Avocado-Sweet Potato Smoothie

So Randy and I started the Fast Metabolism Diet (FMD) by nutritionist Haylie Pomroy 5 weeks ago.  It's a minimum-4 week diet that detoxes and repairs your metabolism.  She starts the book by saying she's going to change the meaning of the word "diet" to stand for "Did I Eat Today."  Reading the book was very enlightening, and the diet has gone very well for us so far.  When we finished week 4, we decided to continue until our vacation, and then after vacation to continue a modified version, repeating the actual diet one week every month or two, just to keep our metabolism in shape.  This isn't necessarily a recommendation for the diet, but we are doing well on it.

During the last couple of weeks of the diet, I began looking into smoothies.  I've found a ton of recipes, a few of which I have tried, and I've made a few of my own.

The FMD is a phase diet - 2 days/2days/3 days/repeat.  So I've been trying to make smoothies that fit in with whichever phase we're in.  That's where today's smoothie comes in.

It's not a very sweet smoothie, so maybe it's not the best first smoothie to post, but it's where I'm at today!  The sweet potato and Stevia add just the right amount of sweetness for a yummy "meal" smoothie packed with greens and vitamins and minerals!

1/2 medium ripe avocado
1/2 c. cooked sweet potato
several leaves of kale
several leaves of spinach
protein powder (I use 2 tbsp. raw hemp protein powder)
Stevia to taste (I use about 2 tbsp. of Stevia in the Raw)
Water to the desired consistency

Blend together in your blender.  I blend the greens with some water first to get them very fine, then add the avocado, then the remaining ingredients.

For the way I made it, the nutritional information can be found here:  Avocado Sweet Potato Smoothie Nutrition

Just. As. I. Am.

We sang this song in church yesterday, and every time we do, I'm struck with emotion.  It's one of those songs that just really gets into my soul.  All the songs we sing in our church are meaningful and important, but there are some that for whatever reason just really "click."


Just as I am, without one plea,
but that Thy blood was shed for me,
and that Thou bidst me come to Thee: 
O Lamb of God, I come.  I come.

Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot.
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come.  I come.

I come broken to be mended;
I come wounded to be healed.
I come desperate to be rescued;
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb.
And I'm welcomed, with open arms, 
praise God, just as I am.

Just as I am, I would be lost,
but mercy and grace my freedom bought.
And now to glory in Your cross,
O Lamb of God, I come.  I come.

I come broken to be mended;
I come wounded to be healed.
I come desperate to be rescued;
I come empty to be filled.
I come guilty to be pardoned
by the blood of Christ the Lamb.
And I'm welcomed, with open arms,
praise God, just as I am.


I come to God with nothing positive to offer.  "Just as I am" is broken and wounded and empty and guilty and desperate.  I am need of mending, healing, rescuing, pardoned.  I need to be filled by the Holy Spirit in order to be worth anything.  I am nothing worthy.  I have no redeeming qualities of my own; in fact, my qualities all reflect my need for deep, extensive repair.  That is what I am.  And when I come to Him with all of these immense needs, God not only has His arms open wide, but He welcomes me into Him.  Just as I am.

On Grandparents

I want to start by saying I think grandparents are God's most wonderful invention.  I, of course, have the best grandparents on the planet!  My parents are amazing grandparents, and if my husband's parents were alive, I know they would be too.  My parents love being grandparents, and our kids absolutely love their Grammy and Papa.  Personally, I don't know what I would do without them - my mom never hesitates to run over or take the kids whenever I need her to (and I try very hard not to take that for granted!)

Those of you who were with us when we went through our first adoption, know that we had a huge struggle with great grandparents in that situation.  Hunter had lived with them on and off for most of his life, and Kaleigh for all of hers. There were issues with boundaries, safe and appropriate parenting practices, and discipline; as well, the reasons the children were taken into foster care were multi- and cross-generational.  When we started putting boundaries in place (no overnights, controlled visits, limits on gifts), we had problems for awhile.  Things have gotten a little better over the past couple of years, although birthdays and holidays continue to be a struggle on the spending side of things.

Now that we have Liam, we have another grandparent situation.  His biological paternal grandmother has legal guardianship of his 3-year-old brother, who has Down's syndrome.  Early on in the process, I was a little nervous, given our history with grandparents.  However, she and I have kept in regular phone contact, and have had to play dates so far, so that the boys can see each other, and of course so she can see Liam.  She is down to earth and practical; having been a foster parent, she understands the system and exactly what we are going through.  She also has a very realistic view of the kind of person her son is, and what he is and is not capable of doing.  I think (and HOPE) she knows that he is safe and happy with us and that we are a good family for him.  I am actually looking forward to keeping in touch with her and know she will be a valuable part of Liam's life.

It's nice to have a positive grandparent experience after the other difficult one we have dealt with!

And thanks to my parents for being fabulous grandparents, and thanks to the rest of you grandparents out there who are doing such a great job!  We parents - and our kids - need and appreciate you!

Life As We Know It

Life as a Mommy of four is busy, and fun, and rewarding, and scary, and CRAZY!  And I love it.  Not every minute of it maybe, but I do love it.

K3 has very quickly become a true Shanahan (no, her last name has not changed yet).  She is still learning and adjusting, and I know it will continue to be a process - as growing is with every child.  Her biggest struggle right now is obeying.  I get the feeling she never was really told what to do before.  That and she is definitely testing for consistency.  (I think you can guess what she is finding there, too.)  Her social worker told us before placement that she didn't have much consistency or discipline follow-through at her previous foster home, and that is definitely obvious.  But we are working on it, and she is learning, albeit slowly.  Potty training has gone GREAT, after a rough start.  She has now been dry for a week straight, including nights.  Today we went from trainers to regular underwear (ditched the pullups two weeks ago), and next time we're at the store she'll get to pick out some "special" ones (the ones she came with are pretty plain).  I also decided a little over a week ago to quit using pullups at night.  Since coming here, she only wet once at night.  I don't really want her to get into a position where she regresses at night, which I think happened with Kaleigh.  So, there you have it.

My littlest monster has really been a monster these last couple of days.  He is suddenly teething like it's going out of style.  Tooth #2 broke through Saturday morning, and tooth #3 just popped through this morning.  On top of that, he is going through some separation anxiety right now; I can't even leave the room without him starting to throw a fit.  This is making naps somewhat difficult.  For example, right now.  When he is happy, though, he is such a joy.  He is eating solid foods now, sitting up really well in the Bumbo, interacting with all the toys on his ExerSaucer and bouncing himself around in it, and laughing at almost everything.  He is such a sweet boy.

Kaleigh is also still adjusting to having another little girl around.  At times, she is loving and leading and sharing and is just a very good sister.  At other times, her need to control comes out and she tries to be the boss instead of the sister.  I am trying to help her learn that she and K3 are equals in this house - she is not any higher up on the chain than her sister or anyone else for that matter.  She knows it, but does not want to accept that she does not get to make the decisions or control anyone else.  It has been quite the frustration, this past week in particular.  I continue to pray for wisdom, grace, and more wisdom.

Hunter turned 12 almost two weeks ago now, and is also working at changing some behaviors.  Overall, he has done much better these last few weeks than he had been doing in previous weeks.  We continue to remind him that privileges are earned; they are not rights that one receives simply by reaching a certain age; and that they can be lost very easily and have to be re-earned, which is not nearly as easy as losing them.  He is doing well in his schoolwork, and I decided to be done with math for the year (we will still do some review over the summer).  He has almost finished his third reading workbook this year, and then he will be done with reading for this year as well.  That leaves science, grammar, and vocab to finish up before he is done with 6th grade.  I am pretty sure we will be working on all three during the summer, so I will just need to pick a good "stopping" point at which we can say 6th grade is over. 

I guess that's it from the kiddo side of things.  Randy and I continue to squeeze in time alone together whenever we can - which is sometimes next to never with our weekly schedule.  We did have a very nice weekend, with some good family time and good couple time and lots of just plain relaxing all around.  Randy is transitioning into a new position at work - which I know he will do a fabulous job in! - but we are about to see him a little less during the weeks for awhile as he works on getting things straightened out and in order and learns the ropes of the new position.  So our weekend family time continues to be as important as ever.

There are some updates I want to share regarding the status of the kids, but this entry is long enough, so they will have to wait for another entry.  

Happy Monday!

Eve

This is potentially my last night ever to be a mother of three.  If you haven't read my recent Facebook posts, I am a little over 12 hours away from becoming a mother of four.

God has seen fit to bring me, at the age of 31, to motherhood and four beautiful children.

I am so thrilled. 

And I am so scared.

Okay, not SO scared.  Just a *little* scared.  I mean, anyone in their right mind would be, right?  Four years ago, I had been happily married for two years, and the most parenting I did was three nights a week.  Three years ago, I had just handed off three sweet but troubled babies after parenting them for 8 months, and had just met two equally but differently troubled kiddos who would eventually become my own.  Two years ago, we had just finalized adoption, and after 28 years and 10 months of waiting, I was a mommy of two.  One year ago, we were focused on finding and moving into a new, bigger house to accommodate our growing family, and hoping our family would be growing more SOON.

Time has gone so quickly, even when it seemed like it was passing slowly.  I learned a long time ago, for that very reason, not to wish my life away.

Yet here I am, feeling like time has just flown by.

I digress.

We did much work around the house today, getting ready for the newest addition to the Shan Clan.  Most of what we worked on was in the girls' room, but some of that work overflowed into the boys' rooms too.  I took the desk out of Kaleigh's room, and decided to put it in Hunter's room.  It took the place of a bookshelf, which I decided to put in Ryan's room.  Then I decided Ryan needed a desk too, so I brought a desk down from the loft (a desk I have been planning to put in Ryan's room for a long time anyway).  To make room for the desk, I moved Ryan's other furniture around.  Back in the girls' room, I brought up a cube shelf set so that they would each have their own space for their toys and books.  We also rearranged a bunch of other things in their room, during which time I made a list of  some things I needed to get to further the organizational goals.  

After quiet time, we made a quick library run to take back the books that were due tomorrow and get a few more books to get us through... a few days at least.  Then we swung by Target to get the items on my organization list.  One of the things I planned to get was the cloth storage cubes for the girls' toys.  They had the purple ones, for Kaleigh, but were all out of the pink ones, for K3.  So I MIGHT get brave and take the kids to the other Target tomorrow to see if they have the pink ones.  

Kaleigh has been very excited all day.  She had fun helping organize the bedroom, and kept reminding me that K3 is coming to live with us tomorrow.  She has been looking forward to having a little sister for a long time.  I know there is going to be a period of adjustment for her, but I think it is overall going to be a good thing.

I, on the other hand, have no idea how I am going to deal with having TWO little girls growing up in the house.  One made me nervous.  Two... terrifies me.

And don't get me started on the boys.  

Nope, that's not even true.  I am more worried about raising girls than boys.  Although I know God is giving me His guidance and strength in both cases.

I sit here on the eve of becoming a mommy of four.

And I couldn't be happier that God has brought me here.

Weeks Five & Six - and a Break!

Well, at the end of week 5, I didn't feel like there was much to report.  So I didn't bore you with that.

Last week, we wrapped up week 6 of school, and since we also did two weeks of summer school before officially digging in for the year, I decided it's time for a break.  It worked out nicely, because we just finished a spelling unit and a Bible unit, just finished reading Journey to the Center of the Earth, and finally(!!!!!) got a firm comprehension of adding and multiplying fractions.

Well, there you have our wrap-up of the last two weeks ;-).

I feel the need to state again that one highlight of my week last week was on Friday, when I graded Hunter's math homework from Thursday and Friday, and I could see that he was really "getting it."  I even pointed to one fraction that he had forgotten to reduce, said, "This one needs reduced," and got in response: "Oh, that's one-half."  After weeks of struggling over the concept of reducing, he did it in his head!

Another big highlight of last week was when we picked him up from youth group on Wednesday night.  He had a sheet with several passages of scripture on both sides, and excitedly explained that if he memorizes all the verses by January 1, a large portion of the cost for the winter retreat would be paid.  He gets so excited about things, it's energizing (and sometimes tiring) to witness.  (And by the way, this was the first I'd heard of said retreat.  Don't get me started on the subject of one's child's first time away from home.  Just don't even.)  We told him that if he memorized all the verses and earned that portion of the trip, he could go on the retreat.  He came home and for his bedtime reading, immediately began working on the first passage, Psalm 1.  

On Friday, he said the entire passage to me from memory.  I was floored.  And thrilled.  Ecstatic, really.  That night, he had his first youth activity.  Later as I picked him up, his Small Group leader told me that the minute he'd gotten there, Hunter had rushed to find him so he could say his verses.  

My heart overflows.  I cannot express my joy in how he is so eager to get involved in the youth group and the memorization of scripture.  He was in AWANA last year, and did memorize verses nearly every week, but he never showed quite the exuberance he is showing now.  Granted, yes, there is something to earn.  But the verses will be in his heart and his head, and the thing to be earned is a weekend of fellowship with peers and godly leadership and training in the Word.  Can't think of anything that would be better.

Boys and Reading / Kids and Screens

I read an article once about how today's culture tells us that the only way to get boys to read is to give them super-simple reading materials with lots of gross-ness and icky-ness in order to keep their attention.  And yes, my son does enjoy the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series.  The article went on to discuss how if we took away the video games and these other kinds of books, and replaced them all with the adventure classics, that boys would learn that there is much more to be had in the world of reading.

I have to say that I did not agree with 100% of what the article had to say, but the overall spirit of the article was spot-on.  Today's boys have been conditioned to believe that "boys don't read" or "reading is an activity primarily reserved for girls or girly boys."  These last couple of weeks, with Hunter expressing how much he enjoyed both Black Beauty and Robin Hood, have been great proof that boys can discover the enjoyment of reading a true adventure story.

I also think, as a separate but contributing issue, that kids in general spend way too much time in front of TV and video games.  With less allowable time in front of screens, kids are practically forced to utilize other, more creative, outlets; reading and creative play come to mind primarily.

I have never been a fan of lots of screen time for kids, but a couple of months ago, I decided I needed some type of system that was more objective for the kids than "No, you can't watch TV right now," but still limited the amount of time they spend in front of screens.  So I made "Screen Cards."  Each card is worth a half hour of TV/video game/computer time, and each kid gets a certain number of cards per week.  It's working out great!  I chose an amount of time per week that breaks down into what I consider an acceptable amount of time per day, and the kids get the freedom of making choices as far as using their cards and getting time to watch TV or play a video game.  Of course, there are a few rules: homework and chores have to be done before using cards, and I rarely - if ever - let them use more than 2 in a row without a break for their eyes.  

But overall, they are both learning a little something about conservation.  Hunter often uses his up with 2 or 3 days to go in the week, and Kaleigh often has quite a few cards left at the end of the week!

Week Two

Our second week of school was MUCH less stressful than our first week!  I can't even begin to describe how much of a relief this is to me. 

Of course at the end of last week, I was giving myself pep talks: "It's just the first week.  We're still getting into the swing of things.  It will get better."  But there was still that little nagging... concern... at the back of my mind that we were starting the year off with a struggle and it was only going to go downhill from there.

I'm so glad my louder "voice" was right.

Hunter got an 'A' on his first spelling test!  He worked really hard on his first week of words.  He begrudgingly learned some new things in math (he strongly dislikes new concepts in math - he only wants to do things he already knows how to do).  He struggled through science, but that was basically because he wasn't paying attention to the questions; he often gets into the habit of reading the first few words of a question, guessing at the rest of the question, and then answering the imaginary question instead of the real one!  The second time through, he did much better :).  He is still enjoying Black Beauty, and is almost finished with it, at which point he will prepare his first book report!  We started the new reading comprehension book this week, and I really like it.  It's much more in-depth and creative than the one we used last year.

Kaleigh's main schooling right now comprises learning to read, memorizing verses for Sparks, and growing her comprehension of numbers.  I am taking a "play" approach to Kindergarten; most of her "work" is done through games that we play together, or observations as we go through our day-to-day life.

We are still waiting for another foster placement.  I'm ready (or at least, I *think* I'm ready) for more kids in the house, but I know God's timing is perfect; so whenever I'm tempted to start getting impatient or anxious about it, I just pray and ask God to give me peace and keep His hands on our future little ones, wherever they may be right now.

The cooler weather has been such a blessing this week.  I just love fall!  This segue from summer into winter, when the temps are hovering in the 50s and 60s, is my absolute favorite time of year.  I need to find the battery charger for my camera, so that we can get outside and take our school pics while the weather is so perfectly crisp!

After being sick all last week, and spending all of this week trying to dig out from under the pile of laundry and cleaning and shopping and dishes, I was glad to be able to get a little more organizing and unpacking done in the office today.  I still have TONS to get done, but every little bit helps, and the office is where the majority of the unpacking is left to be done.  Getting that area organized has been a daunting task, but I think once I'm through it, a big part of the remaining unpacking will go fairly quickly.

I had more I wanted to include in this post, but my head is pounding like crazy, so I think it's time to stop typing and give my eyes a break from the computer.

Discussion on Church Hurt

Please feel free to join this discussion.  I am very interested in the thoughts of others on the subject.

I have read a number of blog posts on the subject of "Church Hurt" in the past week.  It kind of freaked me out that they all seemed to come out of the woodwork at once.  Then I realized that "freaked out" feeling was the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart.  

I have been thinking about "Church Hurt" all week, and it finally hit me this morning, while sorting out my feelings on a minor incident that resulted in hurt on multiple levels:  the church itself - the administration, the leaders, those in authority - allow the church to become a breeding ground for hurt when they create an atmosphere in which its members are discouraged from thinking for themselves.

Am I saying this is the only possible situation that can result in "Church Hurt"?  Not at all.  There are as many potential scenarios for hurt as there are people in a church.  But this is the one I have seen the most closely, and so what I am going to discuss today.

Pride may be one of the ugliest things I have ever seen.  When combined with the attitude of "I know it's true because my ___________ (pastor/deacon/ss teacher/highly respected Christian friend) said so," it sets a dangerous precedent in creating an environment not suitable for anyone with a strong desire to grow in Christ and His Word.

For those who don't know (or even those who do know, as I can almost guarantee that you "know" through what you have "heard," not through a personal discussion with me), I endured my own "Church Hurt" several years ago.  This occurred at a time when I was being particularly harshly lambasted by Satan as I grew closer and closer to God in my personal walk with Him.  Satan was doing everything he could to keep me from my Father, and as he has no boundaries and certainly no conscience, he even used members of the church to contribute.  Ultimately, I left the church of my own free will, probably much later than I should have, although in defense of that, I naively believed people would "come to their senses." 

My own experience with "Church Hurt" was a direct result of equal parts pride (I would never do anything like that!), refusal to study the Bible and think for oneself (the pastor says it, so it must be true!), a love of and to gossip, and outright lies (pride again? a need to be accepted by the larger part? I'm honestly not sure.).  ALL of these things, in this particular situation, resulted from a church environment where members were expected to take all teachings as absolute truth, were not encouraged to study and learn and enrich their hearts through their own studies in God's Word and conversations with other godly teachers and individuals outside the church leadership, and were strongly discouraged from any type of humble questioning and discussion, even when done with the right attitude - rather, if questioning occurred, the individual doing the questioning automatically had a bad attitude or was straying in his/her walk with God.

And by the way, yes, everyone was encouraged and expected to have individual time and studies in God's Word, but if this study resulted in anything not an exact duplicate of what the church was teaching, then the reader did not have the right attitude or was not listening to the Holy Spirit.

Where to even begin with that... it could be a blog post all on its own.  To determine that a person was not listening to the Holy Spirit simply because his/her Biblical studies do not match your own or question your own...  I shudder at the thought.  May God's mercy and grace help me each day to NEVER be that kind of wife or mother or teacher or friend.

The truth is, we are all sinners, equal in God's eyes, none of us worse or better than any other.  He loves us all the same, and all of our sins are as filthy rags.  There is no mention anywhere of rags any filthier than others. 

So why do Christians continue to judge others based on the severity of their (at times perceived) sins??  I just don't get it.  To behave that way does not proclaim to the world that you are saved by grace.  To behave that way shouts that you believe you have done something to make you more worthy, and that the person you are criticizing is somehow less worthy of God's mercy and forgiveness and love than you.

I learned A LOT from my "Church Hurt" experience.  Mostly I learned to be much, much more cautious with who I trust, which I will admit has been detrimental in some ways.  Because by "cautiously," I basically mean that I trust no one outside of about three people.  I also learned something very important about standing up for myself and my own beliefs, even when doing so makes me an outcast in the one place that is not supposed to have outcasts.  More than anything else, I learned firsthand the truth in God's promise to never leave nor forsake me.

I would like to end by asking - beseeching, even - any of you who have ever heard anything of anyone through someone not the subject of the conversation, that you 1) end the gossip right there by confronting the relayer of information and refusing to pass on the information, and 2) approach the person who is the subject of the gossip, if you have questions about the information.  Not doing so only hurts every single person involved, and often more than anyone else in the chain, the subject of the gossip.

Random Update Bits

It has been a rather rough couple of weeks with the kids as far as behavior and attitudes.  Oh, we've had a few good days in there, but looking back there have definitely been more problems than not.  I don't really know what's been causing this, and it's hard to deal with when I feel like I'm always scolding and lecturing and enforcing consequences.  I have been trying to really focus on the positive things, praising them when they do the right things, making sure they know how great it is and how happy it makes Jesus when they make the right choices.  Still, I hate it when I have to continually deal with negative behaviors and wrong choices so often in short periods of time.

I heard some very exciting news yesterday, and can't wait until it becomes public =D.

I've gotten a couple of boxes of things in the living room packed up, but general life (i.e. dishes, laundry, homeschooling, kids, etc.) has prevented me from doing as much as I originally pictured myself getting done in a couple of weeks.  However, today and tomorrow I hope to get more done in that room.  I have even more incentive now that things are beginning to move forward with the house hunt.

Hunter just came upstairs to tell me he was finished with math.  He has been struggling with memorizing his basic multiplication facts, and after several weeks of trying different strategies to help him learn them, his assignment the last two days has been to start with 3x3 and see how high he can get in 5 minutes.  Yesterday he got up to 7x7.  Today he got up to 9x3!  You have no idea how this thrills me.  I am very impressed with his dedication to his school work, much more so than last year in public school.  He also finished his fifth grade level reading comp book a couple of weeks ago.  I plan to order him the sixth grade level soon.  When he ended the fourth grade in June, his reading comprehension was at a beginning- to mid-fourth grade level.  By the time this June comes, he will be well into the sixth grade level.  He is also thriving in his Bible studies, which are comprised half of his Awana book and half of a Rod and Staff Bible book.  He has quite a bit to catch up on, in a manner of speaking, but in a way I think that starting his studies now makes him more interested in learning about God and the Bible than he might be if he had grown up in a different situation.  

The kids just went outside to play in the snow, which is good since it is going to be super cold again tomorrow.  The dog is barking and whining like crazy because as we all know, it is just plain WRONG for kids to go out to play without taking the dog.

Speaking of dogs, when we move we want to get another dog.  We have always agreed that once we owned our own house, we would have a second (and bigger - Madi is 25 pounds) dog.  I have been compulsively just for fun, researching different breeds of dogs. We wanted to get another Irish breed, but they are all either terriers or shed like nobody's business.  Madi is a terrier (although an atypical one), and though I love her, I don't want a second one.  The breed I have decided on and just need to convince my husband to go along with is a Norwegian Buhund.  I'll give you a minute to Google it.

I have gotten back to working out at home (our lives have not allowed us time for the Y since Thanksgiving) 3-4 times a week.  It's probably not as good as the Y, but I try to do plenty of aerobic exercises, and also some yoga, although it's hard to do more than a few poses because our basement ceiling is very low.  Between the exercise and employing willpower to avoid junk food during the week, I have finally started to lose some of the weight I have gained since getting married.  

Hunter has found a new book series: the How to Train Your Dragon series.  He is plowing through the first book, which is wonderful to see, since he hated to read when he came to us.  

We got Kaleigh a V-Tech Mobigo for Christmas, and she loves playing it.  All of the games are educational, and they teach her much better than most workbooks could.  I've been doing preschool work at home with her of course, and prior to getting the Mobigo, I did a few skill checks with her (basically a kindergarten "screening"), and she is more than ready for kindergarten.  Six months to a year ago, I was a little concerned about her cognitive abilities and readiness for preschool, which is why I have taken it slowly and pressure-free this year.  But she has come a long way in the past 6 months.  It has been awesome to watch her grow cognitively, in reasoning ability, and in fine and gross motor skills.

My classes start on Monday.  I am not overly excited about that, but the one thing I am excited about for this semester is that one of my classes is entirely online, and the other is half online, which means I only have to go to campus roughly every other week.

Kaleigh just came in so I could fix her hat, and on her way back out the door she said, "Are we going to have hot chocolate, cause my toes are trying to be cold!"  HAHA!

We are going to see 2 houses on Saturday.  I am very excited.  

Well, time for me to start hot chocolate and bring the kiddos in for lunch.

That is all.

Parent Frustration

My ten year old has made some poor decisions in the last few days.  He turned his TV on in his bedroom after he was put to bed.  He cheated on his science homework.  He lied to my face twice in less than twenty-four hours.

And because of his past hurts, he cuts himself off from the emotional repercussions of consequences, so that nothing I take away from him does anything to affect his behavior.

So yesterday, after the cheating and the second lie, I took a page from a friend's book (thanks, Laura), and had him write a verse about lying 50 times.  

Okay, we are all sinners, we all make wrong decisions from time to time, and kids are (definitely) no exception.  So yes, my kids are going to do things they shouldn't, even things they know they shouldn't.  I sometimes do things I know I shouldn't.  So I can forgive him and we can move on.  

But that doesn't mean I can just say, "Oh well, everyone sins.  No big deal," and let him think that it doesn't matter that he tells a lie once in awhile, or disobeys his parents, or cheats on his homework because he's too lazy to look for the answers.  Or anything else that he knows he shouldn't do.  My job as a parent is to teach them how to overcome, with God's help, the temptation to sin, and to right their wrongs when they do sin.  That is why it is important to me to choose consequences that are effective in changing behavior rather than simply punishments for the wrongdoing.  

I also believe that the lying is a habit for avoiding getting into trouble for other wrongdoings.  Not that that is an excuse or makes it okay, but I believe it needs to be treated as a habit to be broken rather than an issue of a hard heart or pre-planned decision to lie.  Of course, there is still a heart issue to deal with, since in order to break the habit he needs to believe that it is wrong to tell a lie.  So I've decided that the verse-writing will be the consequence of choice for awhile, in addition to losing privileges.

The frustrating part is when it seems like nothing works.  Some days I feel like a horrible parent because I must be doing something wrong if he is not learning or does not care about doing what is right.  But I realized last night that all I can do is pray for him and be consistent.  God has to do the rest. 

Lessons

One thing every parent knows is that we not only teach our children, but we also learn from them.  I think that I sometimes miss these lessons because I am too caught up in whatever I happen to be doing at the time.  And believe me, there is never a dull moment around here, and I always seem to be in the middle of something.  But I have been really trying to be more aware of the little things and what I can learn from them.

The other day, the kids and I went out to the car to run over to JoAnn's for some scrapbooking supplies.  We got out into the 12-degree outside, opened the car doors, and - Lo and Behold - Kaleigh's carseat was not there.  Daddy had forgotten to take it out of his car the night before when he got home from picking the kids up at Grandma's house.  Thankfully, I had an extra, in the garage.  Not-so-thankfully, said extra had moldy straps.  Thankfully, Kaleigh no longer has to wear the straps, as she is old enough for just a booster seat.  Not-so-thankfully, it was still 12 degrees outside.  

Rather than haul the kids back inside and try to wrestle with the seat in the narrow hallway (can't wait to move out of our tiny house!), I decided to just take the straps out right there, outside, and be done with it.  I'm nothing if not efficient.

So there I am, in the bitter freezing cold, trying to get the stupid straps and all their buckles through the many holes in the plastic seat and its fabric covering, cursing the cold weather and wondering why winter can't just be from December 23 to January 3 and why my husband can't just remember to take the stupid carseat out of his car as soon as he gets home instead of waiting til morning and then forgetting it EVERY SINGLE TIME.  In my head, all I am doing is basically complaining and grumbling and working myself into a bad mood.

And my daughter, standing off to the side and seemingly oblivious to the frigid air, is singing.

In my crabby mood, I almost told her to be quiet.  The Holy Spirit (there's no way I can take credit by calling it self-control) stopped me.  How dare I tell her to stop singing just because I am unhappy with my current circumstances?!

My heart was softened, and I took the moment to remind myself that even though I cannot control what happens to me and around me, I CAN control how I respond to it.  I took a deep breath, wrenched the last buckle out of the seat, tossed the whole moldy contraption into the trash (I'll never need it again anyway), and apologized to my kids for my grouchiness.  I silently apologized to my husband (who never knew how upset I was with him at that moment, since he didn't answer his phone when I called to ream him out for leaving the carseat in his car - anyone see how hard the Holy Spirit was working that morning???), and asked God to help me have a better attitude.

And to remember that no matter what my circumstances are, I can still have a song in my heart.  Even in 12 degree weather.