This is potentially my last night ever to be a mother of three. If you haven't read my recent Facebook posts, I am a little over 12 hours away from becoming a mother of four.
God has seen fit to bring me, at the age of 31, to motherhood and four beautiful children.
I am so thrilled.
And I am so scared.
Okay, not SO scared. Just a *little* scared. I mean, anyone in their right mind would be, right? Four years ago, I had been happily married for two years, and the most parenting I did was three nights a week. Three years ago, I had just handed off three sweet but troubled babies after parenting them for 8 months, and had just met two equally but differently troubled kiddos who would eventually become my own. Two years ago, we had just finalized adoption, and after 28 years and 10 months of waiting, I was a mommy of two. One year ago, we were focused on finding and moving into a new, bigger house to accommodate our growing family, and hoping our family would be growing more SOON.
Time has gone so quickly, even when it seemed like it was passing slowly. I learned a long time ago, for that very reason, not to wish my life away.
Yet here I am, feeling like time has just flown by.
We did much work around the house today, getting ready for the newest addition to the Shan Clan. Most of what we worked on was in the girls' room, but some of that work overflowed into the boys' rooms too. I took the desk out of Kaleigh's room, and decided to put it in Hunter's room. It took the place of a bookshelf, which I decided to put in Ryan's room. Then I decided Ryan needed a desk too, so I brought a desk down from the loft (a desk I have been planning to put in Ryan's room for a long time anyway). To make room for the desk, I moved Ryan's other furniture around. Back in the girls' room, I brought up a cube shelf set so that they would each have their own space for their toys and books. We also rearranged a bunch of other things in their room, during which time I made a list of some things I needed to get to further the organizational goals.
After quiet time, we made a quick library run to take back the books that were due tomorrow and get a few more books to get us through... a few days at least. Then we swung by Target to get the items on my organization list. One of the things I planned to get was the cloth storage cubes for the girls' toys. They had the purple ones, for Kaleigh, but were all out of the pink ones, for K3. So I MIGHT get brave and take the kids to the other Target tomorrow to see if they have the pink ones.
Kaleigh has been very excited all day. She had fun helping organize the bedroom, and kept reminding me that K3 is coming to live with us tomorrow. She has been looking forward to having a little sister for a long time. I know there is going to be a period of adjustment for her, but I think it is overall going to be a good thing.
I, on the other hand, have no idea how I am going to deal with having TWO little girls growing up in the house. One made me nervous. Two... terrifies me.
And don't get me started on the boys.
Nope, that's not even true. I am more worried about raising girls than boys. Although I know God is giving me His guidance and strength in both cases.
I sit here on the eve of becoming a mommy of four.
And I couldn't be happier that God has brought me here.