Three years ago today, we finalized Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption. They had been with us nearly a year, and when they came to us, their case was supposed to be finished quickly. They were nearly through the TPR (Termination of Parental Rights), and just needed an adoptive placement before the judge would complete the final step.
It turned out to be more complicated than that, and more than once we contemplated throwing in the towel; but God had other plans. He kept tugging our hearts toward fighting for them, and He was faithful to see us through those difficult times.
It's hard to believe it's been a whole three years - and it's hard to believe it's been only three years. They both continue to thrive, learn, and grow as little people. I am very proud of the way they have handled all the changes that have come into our family the past three years.
And most of all, I am blessed that they call me "Mom."
Monday, February 11, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
One Week!!
There is much cleaning to commence, a bathroom to paint, a scrapbook to complete, and a blanket to sew, before the big day!
So I will leave you simply with this:
"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:27-28
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So I will leave you simply with this:
"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to Him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:27-28
<3 br="">
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Upcoming
In just 10 short days, Liam will legally be Liam! And he will be a legal Shanahan! It's so weird to look at him and think his old name - it never did fit him. He has always been a Liam! In fact, his paternal grandma, who we keep in touch with, told me that BD wanted to name him Liam before he was born! I guess he really has always been a Liam :-).
Things are a tad crazy around here, what with planning for an open house (if you've been to my house you know that it definitely always looks... lived in!) and getting paperwork done for the adoption. I'm a little anxious about the open house, since we've never had a get together bigger than just family before; it would be easier if the weather was nice so that we could expand to the patio and deck, but I am very thankful we have all the space we have this time around!
If you are coming, we look forward to seeing you!
I'll be posting all about the adoption in about a week and a half :-). I can't wait to be able to post pics of him and show him off to the rest of my world :-).
Things are a tad crazy around here, what with planning for an open house (if you've been to my house you know that it definitely always looks... lived in!) and getting paperwork done for the adoption. I'm a little anxious about the open house, since we've never had a get together bigger than just family before; it would be easier if the weather was nice so that we could expand to the patio and deck, but I am very thankful we have all the space we have this time around!
If you are coming, we look forward to seeing you!
I'll be posting all about the adoption in about a week and a half :-). I can't wait to be able to post pics of him and show him off to the rest of my world :-).
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Christmas & New Year
Every year I spend about two weeks before Christmas ready to pull my hair out. I spend the week before Christmas a jittery, irritable, ready-to-snap shell of my real self. I spend the last two days before Christmas in full-on panic mode. I always make myself enjoy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but just barely, because I'm in a constant state of everything-has-to-be-perfect-everyone-has-to-be-happy-a-schedule-has-to-be-kept-up-with.
Every year I spend about three months prior to Christmas reminding the kids in every other breath that Christmas is not about "ME ME ME AND WHAT AM I GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS???" That's even more frustrating and more stressful than all the other stuff.
After Christmas last year, I said, "No more." At least to myself. And then the months started to pass, life got back to normal (that is, the normal level of crazy instead of the holiday level of crazy), I started my mid-year holiday planning, and I started to think, "It's once a year. It's not so bad. It's worth it to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. This year I will be able to help the kids understand the real meaning of Christmas. Etc. Etc. Etc." Just like every year.
And then I caught myself.
It wasn't just about the stress of making everything come off without a hitch. It was about the fact that all the TALK about the real meaning of Christmas wasn't getting into the kids' heads, because that's all it was: TALK. How can I expect them to believe that Christmas isn't about getting presents, if we keep giving them presents for Christmas? How can I expect them to believe that Christmas is about Christ and others, if we never do things for Christ and others?
So, as I mentioned in a previous post, Randy and I started talking about it this past summer, and decided to change up how we do Christmas.
It was so different. It was different to not have presents, to think about others instead of ourselves. It was different to just have a nice, quiet, relaxed day; it was different to not be rushing around like a crazy, stressed-out headless chicken. It was different to not have to worry about whether this was going to go right or that was going to be done in time for the next thing to happen. It was different, but in a GREAT way. I cannot express how much better it was to experience Christmas this way, as a family. For the first time in my life, I did not experience the Day-After-Christmas Blues, or the need-to-sleep-for-a-week-to-recover feeling. Friday, we are doing New Year's presents, and last night I got to sit down and wrap, with no stress, no panicky feelings, no worrying about a million other things I have to get done by "the deadline."
I am already looking forward to next Christmas :-).
Every year I spend about three months prior to Christmas reminding the kids in every other breath that Christmas is not about "ME ME ME AND WHAT AM I GETTING FOR CHRISTMAS???" That's even more frustrating and more stressful than all the other stuff.
After Christmas last year, I said, "No more." At least to myself. And then the months started to pass, life got back to normal (that is, the normal level of crazy instead of the holiday level of crazy), I started my mid-year holiday planning, and I started to think, "It's once a year. It's not so bad. It's worth it to make sure everyone has a good Christmas. This year I will be able to help the kids understand the real meaning of Christmas. Etc. Etc. Etc." Just like every year.
And then I caught myself.
It wasn't just about the stress of making everything come off without a hitch. It was about the fact that all the TALK about the real meaning of Christmas wasn't getting into the kids' heads, because that's all it was: TALK. How can I expect them to believe that Christmas isn't about getting presents, if we keep giving them presents for Christmas? How can I expect them to believe that Christmas is about Christ and others, if we never do things for Christ and others?
So, as I mentioned in a previous post, Randy and I started talking about it this past summer, and decided to change up how we do Christmas.
It was so different. It was different to not have presents, to think about others instead of ourselves. It was different to just have a nice, quiet, relaxed day; it was different to not be rushing around like a crazy, stressed-out headless chicken. It was different to not have to worry about whether this was going to go right or that was going to be done in time for the next thing to happen. It was different, but in a GREAT way. I cannot express how much better it was to experience Christmas this way, as a family. For the first time in my life, I did not experience the Day-After-Christmas Blues, or the need-to-sleep-for-a-week-to-recover feeling. Friday, we are doing New Year's presents, and last night I got to sit down and wrap, with no stress, no panicky feelings, no worrying about a million other things I have to get done by "the deadline."
I am already looking forward to next Christmas :-).
Monday, December 17, 2012
Early Christmas!
"Merry Christmas!"
That's what Liam's case manager said when she called at 11:00 this morning.
I sat in stunned silence for a moment, unsure of whether it "meant" something or she was just giving me a cheerful greeting to begin her phone call.
You see, today was the day our court hearing for the TPR for Liam's birth mom was supposed to begin; we wouldn't even know until today whether our case made it into the court room today, because they schedule 5 trials to begin every Monday. We found out last week that we were second on the docket, and the case who was ahead of us might not be ready to begin today; but we still wouldn't know for sure until this morning. I didn't go to court, because it is an hour drive, and it didn't make sense since we didn't know if it would begin, and I wouldn't have been allowed in for the trial anyway, since I was subpoenaed.
So I was expecting the CM to call, and had to assume trial began today, since court started at 8:30, and she wasn't calling until almost 3 hours later. But that was the most I could hope for.
"Um... Does that mean you have good news for me?" I asked slowly.
"Yes!" she replied excitedly. "BM terminated her rights voluntarily!"
"Really?? I mean, really?? It's done??"
"Yep! The judge asked her all the questions and went though everything, and then she left. Then I gave my testimony and he scheduled the adoption!"
She then proceeded to give me the date for the adoption, and then went back and told me a few more details about her conversation with BM before court.
She's coming on Thursday for a home visit, so I may hear more about it then, but honestly I doubt there's much to tell.
Three years ago today, we got the same exact Christmas present. This was the very same day Hunter and Kaleigh's TPRs were finalized. (***CORRECTION: I went back to check the facts, and Hunter and Kaleigh were actually TPR'd a week earlier. My apologies for the mistake!!***) Liam's adoption date falls just 4 days after theirs! Which is way cool, because we'll have an AWESOME way to celebrate Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption day this year - and they'll all celebrate at the same time every year. It's just really cool.
And of course we are humbled and grateful to God for His mercy and grace, shown to our family and to our sweet little boy who has already brought so much joy to our lives. We are blessed beyond measure.
That's what Liam's case manager said when she called at 11:00 this morning.
I sat in stunned silence for a moment, unsure of whether it "meant" something or she was just giving me a cheerful greeting to begin her phone call.
You see, today was the day our court hearing for the TPR for Liam's birth mom was supposed to begin; we wouldn't even know until today whether our case made it into the court room today, because they schedule 5 trials to begin every Monday. We found out last week that we were second on the docket, and the case who was ahead of us might not be ready to begin today; but we still wouldn't know for sure until this morning. I didn't go to court, because it is an hour drive, and it didn't make sense since we didn't know if it would begin, and I wouldn't have been allowed in for the trial anyway, since I was subpoenaed.
So I was expecting the CM to call, and had to assume trial began today, since court started at 8:30, and she wasn't calling until almost 3 hours later. But that was the most I could hope for.
"Um... Does that mean you have good news for me?" I asked slowly.
"Yes!" she replied excitedly. "BM terminated her rights voluntarily!"
"Really?? I mean, really?? It's done??"
"Yep! The judge asked her all the questions and went though everything, and then she left. Then I gave my testimony and he scheduled the adoption!"
She then proceeded to give me the date for the adoption, and then went back and told me a few more details about her conversation with BM before court.
She's coming on Thursday for a home visit, so I may hear more about it then, but honestly I doubt there's much to tell.
Three years ago today, we got the same exact Christmas present. This was the very same day Hunter and Kaleigh's TPRs were finalized. (***CORRECTION: I went back to check the facts, and Hunter and Kaleigh were actually TPR'd a week earlier. My apologies for the mistake!!***) Liam's adoption date falls just 4 days after theirs! Which is way cool, because we'll have an AWESOME way to celebrate Hunter and Kaleigh's adoption day this year - and they'll all celebrate at the same time every year. It's just really cool.
And of course we are humbled and grateful to God for His mercy and grace, shown to our family and to our sweet little boy who has already brought so much joy to our lives. We are blessed beyond measure.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Multiple Updates
I know the update on Liam is what everyone is reading for, so I'll lead with that. Then if you don't want to hear about the hum-drum stuff, you don't have to. ;-)
(Just a reminder, Liam is not yet his legal name; so we aren't breaking any rules here.)
We had pretrial this week, and while I didn't go, the CW updated me after the hearing. BM was still going to fight because she "thinks she deserves the chance to parent him." Yeah, don't even get me started. Then her lawyer asked for the hearing to be rescheduled, but the judge denied his request, because there is only one other case ahead of ours, and it sounds like there is a pretty good chance they won't be ready - which means our trial would start Monday! I received a subpoena in the mail last week from the DA's office; I'm not sure if they will actually want me to testify or if they did it just in case they go right into the Best Interest phase after the Grounds phase is complete. (I can't imagine any reason I would be called to testify in the Grounds phase, since that is about proving there are sufficient grounds for TPR, and the Best Interest phase is about deciding what is in the best interest of child as far as permanency. Typically a foster parent would be called in the Best Interest phase in order to state their desire/willingness to adopt the child.)
Apparently the judge gave BM a speech about doing what was best for Liam, and her attorney and a permanency counselor were still going to talk to her after trial about doing voluntary. Still, I have to say, I don't really want her to do voluntary. She is the person who would turn it around on herself, brag that she "gave her son up for adoption" (which is an inaccurate statement when CPS is involved), and try to make everyone feel sorry for her and believe she is a selfless person. Yes, I'm aware it sounds somewhat selfish, or bitter, but after everything she has put him and us through over the past two years (because she was abusing him in utero), she should go through a trial and see what that's like. But, that's neither here nor there; we will see on Monday how it goes.
The Little Man in question is teething, once again getting four teeth at once. Between that and the periodic withdrawals, he can be quite the crank monster, not to mention he is drooling like nobody's business. He still has his happy times though, which I am very thankful for - he is such a sweet baby! At the moment he is digging through his diaper bag, pulling out snacks, his water bottle, and the few toys I keep in there. He loves to eat - his favorite foods are bananas (his first official word besides Mama and Dada was Nana) and avocados. He has absolutely no interest in walking (which is fine with me HAHA!) but can crawl like a maniac and get all the way around the main floor circle at a ridiculous lightning speed.
My little K3 will be 4 years old in only a month and a half! It's so crazy to think about that, when she was just a couple of months over 3 when she came to us. She has really grown in development over the past 8 months. We have had some pretty serious behavior issues with her; she is in therapy, but at such a young age therapy can only do so much. It is sad to think about the possibilities when it comes to realizing what is behind the behaviors. I have a feeling that part of the deal is that she knows she is in a safe place now, and perhaps her mind has "permission" to start remembering things that maybe it wasn't safe to remember before. I may be wrong about that, and I'm sure there are other factors and triggers as well - I'm quite certain BD told her she was going to come live with him soon - but I think that's at least part of it. She loves to play with babies, and also enjoys coloring, though doesn't always like to sit still and concentrate for very long, as is typical for her developmental age.
Kaleigh has struggled through general number sense in school this first half of the year, but is finally starting to grasp the concepts, and has her addition facts down pretty well. Her general reasoning skills tell me that once she really gets into math, she will excel, so for now we just keep practicing, practicing, practicing! She is reading like a pro now, and of course writing and spelling follow. Her favorite activity is still coloring, though! She is a very meticulous child most of the time, and likes to color detailed pictures, as well as any activity that includes cutting and pasting. A new fun thing she has recently discovered is word search puzzles. It won't be long before she is doing crossword puzzles and playing Scrabble.
Hunter is plowing right along through seventh grade. He's doing pre-algebra work, although the most frustrating thing with him and math is that once he masters a skill, he forgets it. We've had to go back and review some fifth and sixth grade fractions work in the past two weeks; it just makes the new lessons move slowly. He continues to be a voracious reader, which continues to thrill me to my core. He is really enjoying the Rick Riordan books, and keeps reading the different series' over and over. His New Year's gift of "Something to Read" is going to be The Hunger Games, which he has been dying to read; he will be totally surprised because I told him awhile back that he had to wait until he was older. I think it will be good for him though.
At this moment, my Christmas cards are sitting in the UPS warehouse in Sturtevant! It's the first year I've had the time and energy to get cards done, and they are sitting in a warehouse while I could be getting them in envelopes! GRRRR!
I have almost everything I need for the kids' Christmas Eve packages! Pajamas, movies, mugs... need to get slippers, which I will do this weekend, and I saw some of those little fleece blankets for like $5 at Walmart a couple of weeks ago, so if I can find those again, they'll each be getting one of those.
Next week is baking week. I have several recipes ready to go; I'm going to have to swing by Sam's and/or Aldi to get more of the staples before we get started. Hunter's math homework next week will be to double or triple each recipe (depending on how much we need) :-). All three of the kids will practice following directions!
Off to enjoy the last few minutes of Liam's nap before he wakes up...
(Just a reminder, Liam is not yet his legal name; so we aren't breaking any rules here.)
We had pretrial this week, and while I didn't go, the CW updated me after the hearing. BM was still going to fight because she "thinks she deserves the chance to parent him." Yeah, don't even get me started. Then her lawyer asked for the hearing to be rescheduled, but the judge denied his request, because there is only one other case ahead of ours, and it sounds like there is a pretty good chance they won't be ready - which means our trial would start Monday! I received a subpoena in the mail last week from the DA's office; I'm not sure if they will actually want me to testify or if they did it just in case they go right into the Best Interest phase after the Grounds phase is complete. (I can't imagine any reason I would be called to testify in the Grounds phase, since that is about proving there are sufficient grounds for TPR, and the Best Interest phase is about deciding what is in the best interest of child as far as permanency. Typically a foster parent would be called in the Best Interest phase in order to state their desire/willingness to adopt the child.)
Apparently the judge gave BM a speech about doing what was best for Liam, and her attorney and a permanency counselor were still going to talk to her after trial about doing voluntary. Still, I have to say, I don't really want her to do voluntary. She is the person who would turn it around on herself, brag that she "gave her son up for adoption" (which is an inaccurate statement when CPS is involved), and try to make everyone feel sorry for her and believe she is a selfless person. Yes, I'm aware it sounds somewhat selfish, or bitter, but after everything she has put him and us through over the past two years (because she was abusing him in utero), she should go through a trial and see what that's like. But, that's neither here nor there; we will see on Monday how it goes.
The Little Man in question is teething, once again getting four teeth at once. Between that and the periodic withdrawals, he can be quite the crank monster, not to mention he is drooling like nobody's business. He still has his happy times though, which I am very thankful for - he is such a sweet baby! At the moment he is digging through his diaper bag, pulling out snacks, his water bottle, and the few toys I keep in there. He loves to eat - his favorite foods are bananas (his first official word besides Mama and Dada was Nana) and avocados. He has absolutely no interest in walking (which is fine with me HAHA!) but can crawl like a maniac and get all the way around the main floor circle at a ridiculous lightning speed.
My little K3 will be 4 years old in only a month and a half! It's so crazy to think about that, when she was just a couple of months over 3 when she came to us. She has really grown in development over the past 8 months. We have had some pretty serious behavior issues with her; she is in therapy, but at such a young age therapy can only do so much. It is sad to think about the possibilities when it comes to realizing what is behind the behaviors. I have a feeling that part of the deal is that she knows she is in a safe place now, and perhaps her mind has "permission" to start remembering things that maybe it wasn't safe to remember before. I may be wrong about that, and I'm sure there are other factors and triggers as well - I'm quite certain BD told her she was going to come live with him soon - but I think that's at least part of it. She loves to play with babies, and also enjoys coloring, though doesn't always like to sit still and concentrate for very long, as is typical for her developmental age.
Kaleigh has struggled through general number sense in school this first half of the year, but is finally starting to grasp the concepts, and has her addition facts down pretty well. Her general reasoning skills tell me that once she really gets into math, she will excel, so for now we just keep practicing, practicing, practicing! She is reading like a pro now, and of course writing and spelling follow. Her favorite activity is still coloring, though! She is a very meticulous child most of the time, and likes to color detailed pictures, as well as any activity that includes cutting and pasting. A new fun thing she has recently discovered is word search puzzles. It won't be long before she is doing crossword puzzles and playing Scrabble.
Hunter is plowing right along through seventh grade. He's doing pre-algebra work, although the most frustrating thing with him and math is that once he masters a skill, he forgets it. We've had to go back and review some fifth and sixth grade fractions work in the past two weeks; it just makes the new lessons move slowly. He continues to be a voracious reader, which continues to thrill me to my core. He is really enjoying the Rick Riordan books, and keeps reading the different series' over and over. His New Year's gift of "Something to Read" is going to be The Hunger Games, which he has been dying to read; he will be totally surprised because I told him awhile back that he had to wait until he was older. I think it will be good for him though.
At this moment, my Christmas cards are sitting in the UPS warehouse in Sturtevant! It's the first year I've had the time and energy to get cards done, and they are sitting in a warehouse while I could be getting them in envelopes! GRRRR!
I have almost everything I need for the kids' Christmas Eve packages! Pajamas, movies, mugs... need to get slippers, which I will do this weekend, and I saw some of those little fleece blankets for like $5 at Walmart a couple of weeks ago, so if I can find those again, they'll each be getting one of those.
Next week is baking week. I have several recipes ready to go; I'm going to have to swing by Sam's and/or Aldi to get more of the staples before we get started. Hunter's math homework next week will be to double or triple each recipe (depending on how much we need) :-). All three of the kids will practice following directions!
Off to enjoy the last few minutes of Liam's nap before he wakes up...
Monday, November 26, 2012
Practices, Plans, and Projects
Well, as some of you know (and the rest of you are about to find out), we are really changing things up for this time of year in the Shan Clan.
We are no longer going to have "Christmas Presents" - at least not for us. We will be starting a new family tradition of "New Year's Presents," and though we have limited them in the past, we will be limiting them more specifically this year.
One Thing They Want
One Thing They Need
One Thing To Wear
One Thing To Read
This way, we can focus on celebrating Jesus' birthday, and here that means doing things to bless and/or help others. So on Christmas Day, we've settled on several ways in which we will think of others and hopefully spread a little bit of Christ's love and the true meaning of Christmas.
We also decided to take the opportunity to begin a couple of other new traditions, to help us bond as a family and focus on time together. One of those has to do with Christmas Eve. Part of the day will be spent wrapping up preparations for Christmas Day, but then we will have some fun family activities. I have two crafts picked out to do with the kids, and in the afternoon they will each get a "Christmas Eve Package" (still trying to come up with a clever name!). The package will have new pajamas and slippers, new movies (because of my fabulous finds on Amazon, each kiddo is getting 2 movies), a new mug or cup, and a couple of their favorite treats (and anything else I think of between now and then - ideally I'd like to do a new blanket for each of them too, but I don't know if I can get to that by then!). Then we are going to have a hot chocolate bar (yes, I totally got the idea on Pinterest!) with snacks and watch Christmas movies.
I am so excited to see these new traditions come to fruition! The kids know nothing of our plans for Christmas Eve, so it will be a nice surprise for them. They have really gotten excited about our Christmas Day projects, and I am really excited to see them grow and learn to think about others before themselves. (Of course, I try to teach them this every day of the year, but it really irritates me that self-centeredness and greediness run most rampant at the time of year when they should be least!) As I tell the kids, how would you feel if a whole bunch of people came to our house on your birthday, and all brought presents for each other but nothing for you!?
More to come as our plans progress :-).
Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving with your friends and families!!
We are no longer going to have "Christmas Presents" - at least not for us. We will be starting a new family tradition of "New Year's Presents," and though we have limited them in the past, we will be limiting them more specifically this year.
One Thing They Want
One Thing They Need
One Thing To Wear
One Thing To Read
This way, we can focus on celebrating Jesus' birthday, and here that means doing things to bless and/or help others. So on Christmas Day, we've settled on several ways in which we will think of others and hopefully spread a little bit of Christ's love and the true meaning of Christmas.
We also decided to take the opportunity to begin a couple of other new traditions, to help us bond as a family and focus on time together. One of those has to do with Christmas Eve. Part of the day will be spent wrapping up preparations for Christmas Day, but then we will have some fun family activities. I have two crafts picked out to do with the kids, and in the afternoon they will each get a "Christmas Eve Package" (still trying to come up with a clever name!). The package will have new pajamas and slippers, new movies (because of my fabulous finds on Amazon, each kiddo is getting 2 movies), a new mug or cup, and a couple of their favorite treats (and anything else I think of between now and then - ideally I'd like to do a new blanket for each of them too, but I don't know if I can get to that by then!). Then we are going to have a hot chocolate bar (yes, I totally got the idea on Pinterest!) with snacks and watch Christmas movies.
I am so excited to see these new traditions come to fruition! The kids know nothing of our plans for Christmas Eve, so it will be a nice surprise for them. They have really gotten excited about our Christmas Day projects, and I am really excited to see them grow and learn to think about others before themselves. (Of course, I try to teach them this every day of the year, but it really irritates me that self-centeredness and greediness run most rampant at the time of year when they should be least!) As I tell the kids, how would you feel if a whole bunch of people came to our house on your birthday, and all brought presents for each other but nothing for you!?
More to come as our plans progress :-).
Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving with your friends and families!!
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